again and again and again

you pushed me up against the bar
your hands grasping…
your lips searching…
my legs, fluttering…
struggling to hold my drink
as your lips sunk in
and my quivering skin
glowed like opening flowers
to the rising sun

the music played so loud
but i couldn’t hear a thing
you were simply too much
for my senses-
you were dizzying
and i think back now,
on the way your fingers touched
my skin, and i long for you
again and again and again


My guilt at not being more
grows steadily within-
and the harder you try to
show me your love
the farther I retreat into
my homemade prison…
Don’t you know that I cannot
bear thoughts of sweet nothings
whispered softly in my ear?
How can I possibly hear your wanderings
above the dull roar of disease
within my head?

counter and away

Oh bleeding heart!
Why are you
so adverse to the pleasures
of happiness
such that you run counter
and away- from the love you desire
in hopes of finding pain
to feed your false need for
what is familiar?

what is this?

what is this blindness that keeps
me from seeing the happy ending
right in front of me?
what is this longing that dissuades
the wanderlust of my spirit
from finding peace?
i am but a vessel of emotion,
filled with unquenchable yearning…
how you can love or trust a thing
so varied, so caught up in the wind,
that my heart, if it were to grow
wings, might fly away from this cage
and into eternity?


swirling dark clouds filled
with emotional acid rain
raged within me
for what seemed like days…
it started as a thunder storm
and increased in strength
until my heart was lifted from my chest
and launched into the ether
of my mind…

i have looked, but still can’t find,
where the remnants of my heart
remain- tossed about on
love’s bitter wind, broken by the
storms within, i hold no hope
that any joy survived…
a shattering of love’s sweet grace
such emptiness that
now remains…

bleak warden

there is nothing left inside my chest
but a bitter emptiness that lines
the hours of my love with
caged bars to keep me safe-
and while I long, like a song bird,
to be free of my prison
i know that this self-imposed
pain in which my heart resides
is but a punishment of the self
for things that cannot be told
but rather lay hidden…
and I am lost to the ravages
of my own mind
a darkening that lingers within
my heart like a bleak warden