No more

Steady now, my feet touch the floor
Softly resting, my mind, calmer now
Ceases turning, and slows into the silence…
How long since I’ve been with you!
My beloved heart- still beating,
As old friends wait for me, inside this old
Door… alas! I have flown from the fire
And I am no more!
Do not look for me, or mourn my passing
I am stardust floating
And sun rays bursting
And songbirds singing
And cannot be touched anymore…

A darker foil

It’s been so long since I’ve been without
this knot in my throat and this dread in my mind…
Black, menacing, waiting,
Just sitting there reminding me that Anger is close by:
Feeling me, urging me closer to it,
so that I cannot speak or hear or cry….
This bloody clot that won’t move,
binding my voice with something
stronger than magic…

Suffocating! My heart yearns for the open air and the sun-
Within darkness my being has sunken,
and within Anger’s cage I dwell now-
Lost amidst fear, and confused joy;
Wandering in the darkness- blind and feverish,
My words act out without wisdom or thought,
but in defense of a darker foil….
I am the mistaken soul who sunk willingly
into Anger’s dreadful water-
And drowning now my heart cries for
breathe and air.

Cold

it’s raining again;
drops of feelings falling from the sky,
dripping dripping dripping into my mind-
uselessly my body hangs from bone,
too cold to take cover from this lashing,
it’s just acid cleansing; anger spills upon my soul
covered in the ache of the unknown,
as i watch all i knew, become gone
gone! it’s gone now and my heart hangs so heavily
upon what remains of my soul
you, i knew you once, you were what was
washed away by the rain that keeps falling
from my eyes, through this mind
I am nothing, if not remnants of what I was,
lingering, lingering, i watch change greet my heart
with cold

Undertow

Drowning in the waves of my own mind
My body is pulled under over and over again
Unable to breathe, my lungs are full
Of these thoughts and spinnings-
Darkness fills my head as my eyes
Grow black with uncertainty and hope
Oh! Though I cling to these raging thoughts
they do nothing but bring me
Further under
Further down into my mind’s soft abyss
Lost to the undertow of my own making
I’m struggling to find the sun again
All is darkness and I am all

Beast

There is nothing my soul wants more
Than to find peace
Though peace, comes with a price-
Grand and precious
My heart is unfolding from the origami
Shape I had secured it into
And now flat out and bare
I can read the lines that were written
Upon it
Oh lack! You silly friend… you come to remind me
What I don’t have
While my blessings circle overhead
Singing sweet songs
Just look up! Why would you keep your eyes
Glued to a purpose no longer your own?
Oh Day! You challenge me to breathe into
These changes with grace and love
How I dislike your direction
How I would linger within the stillness
Of my own ignorance instead!
Yet my breath, still flows in and out
And I am but a walking beast
Attempting to fly

Waves and rain

Tapping rain, buzzing and clapping,
Softly blowing, singing and dancing-
This heart is a forest flowing
Hidden beneath tree’s canopy
A melody of music and sound
And me! What do I deserve to be
Hidden underneath these strong leaves
Opening my soul would drown,
This joyous water flowing through me,
Yet, my eyes remain fixed upon the sky
The moonlit blue of early morning
Just a shade of the moon and I;
Forever falling into myself again and again
I pray for a depth I yet have not found
So I linger now, beneath the waves,
The leaves and rain,
Waiting for answers I know are mine

A dead bee

A dead bee stung my foot today
Awakening me from reverie
And prayer
It ached and surprised-
Realizing this fate of flying,
This fear of letting go,
Echoes scream my name in dream-
To open up and awaken what’s mine!
I hide, and this sting-
open eyes-
screaming my name-
a supernatural remind-
To stop and listen and let go of what
Is no longer mine….
Oh king of bees, your sacrifice!
But a little thing lying in wait for me
Supremely divine