lost to time

~lost to time~

I can no longer search for you
behind closed doors…
You aren’t hiding, but
instead just simply vanished
from my life…
And to ignore this fact
Is to ignore breath itself

Gone from me is your golden
Energy
Lost to the sands of time we
find ourselves again, sifting slowly
away from wence we came
The pain and longing that I’ve
known so well… through myriad
of lifetimes
Lies within my heart yet again.

I will not search for you because
You are not mine to be found
I will simply gaze heavenward
For a glimpse of your heart
When I am lost or feeling down
My eternal star; lodged within my breast,
Lost to time

i am finished

~I am finished~

Hate floats below my smile,
masking deep pain boiling
just below my throat;

A line through time is binding;
each end a new beginning
held by two…

But where is my end? When do
I get to pull myself this way
And that?

The heart can only take so much
dissonance before it breaks open
and releases…

I am finished

dull ache

~dull ache~

To simply lament that you’re gone
sounds silly and contrite;
There’s much more lost now
than a smile sent over energy
or words written onto winds of time…
Deep within there exists now a knowing
that whatever might have been
is but an impossible dream
that is not written in the stars…
So the lack now fills permanent space
within my heart; filled not with light
but with a dull ache

sway

When there is nothing left to lose
Nothing seems all that scary anymore
The rocks that blocked the way forward
Don’t seem so insurmountable
The wind that feared could break the door
Sounds less menacing and venerable
And in my heart, the key that left with you,
No longer unlocks my darkness

When there’s nothing left to lose
Nothing seems to hold sway
All is lost…. and in that losing….
I find that which is more profound

King of the mountain

~king of the mountain~

I remembered your face
when I closed my eyes and entered
that sacred space in between
the folds of time

The smell of yellow flowers,
growing beside a running stream
Take colors, always flashing,
Memories or dreams?

Your hair landed softly upon me
As you leaned over to brush my face
Your smell, my brute obsession,
With force you bind my fate

king of the mountain!
What a spirit trapped inside!
Would that I give my present
To within that moment reside.

smoke and debris

~smoke and debris~

i will let you go now, also,
as the tide that rolled in, flows back to sea;
and i am the beach that you caressed
so lovingly , while you spread over body
and filled the spaces between

the moon pulls you away from me now
and I accept the absence with
what could have once been longing
but now, only an emptiness that
cannot be filled

you say goodbye to me, now,
not with words, but with lack…
what once glowed with unfurnished flames
now lingers as smoke and
debris

a bad wife

~a bad wife~

I’ve been a bad wife
moving without thought, forever forward,
impossibly looking for that which
eludes me

Without measure of my actions
I’ve walked the line between right and wrong
and results have never weighed much
upon my mind

repercussions ring now, at the end
of all things,
with loud fever; darkening the doorstep
of my heart

how does one recover
from the stain
of causing such irrevocable pain
and misery?

cruelty that dwells within my spirit
haunts the steps of that which is light