King of the mountain

~king of the mountain~

I remembered your face
when I closed my eyes and entered
that sacred space in between
the folds of time

The smell of yellow flowers,
growing beside a running stream
Take colors, always flashing,
Memories or dreams?

Your hair landed softly upon me
As you leaned over to brush my face
Your smell, my brute obsession,
With force you bind my fate

king of the mountain!
What a spirit trapped inside!
Would that I give my present
To within that moment reside.

smoke and debris

~smoke and debris~

i will let you go now, also,
as the tide that rolled in, flows back to sea;
and i am the beach that you caressed
so lovingly , while you spread over body
and filled the spaces between

the moon pulls you away from me now
and I accept the absence with
what could have once been longing
but now, only an emptiness that
cannot be filled

you say goodbye to me, now,
not with words, but with lack…
what once glowed with unfurnished flames
now lingers as smoke and
debris

a bad wife

~a bad wife~

I’ve been a bad wife
moving without thought, forever forward,
impossibly looking for that which
eludes me

Without measure of my actions
I’ve walked the line between right and wrong
and results have never weighed much
upon my mind

repercussions ring now, at the end
of all things,
with loud fever; darkening the doorstep
of my heart

how does one recover
from the stain
of causing such irrevocable pain
and misery?

cruelty that dwells within my spirit
haunts the steps of that which is light

tin can

i’m a tin can being kicked down the road
just wandering without direction
or purpose

I don’t even realize how far I’ve been moved
until i pick my head up and realize
i’ve no idea where i am anymore

no win win

~no win win~

There is no answer to this-
no win win
The die’s been cast and the last
person holding the hot potato loses…
Don’t know why it has come to this,
this incredible pain of recognition,
that all is lost…
That what was, truly is no longer,
and no amount of weeping will change
that reckoning for me

Would that i could release the past
and move with love into that uncertain future
But the hands that hold me to the present
are so strong that I cannot breathe,
none the less see…
So I remain stuck, still, waiting for your
grip upon my chest to lighten
so I can find release,
so that I can find a way free
from the pain and guilt that binds me

breath is but a luxury

~breath is but a luxury~

this flow is too much to manage today
it is growing, making its way up to my throat
and choking my voice
uncomfortably stoic, i remain seated
staring at a blank screen
waiting for words to emerge from
the depths of my heart-
anything to make this silence yet more comfortable
to bear

though I wait here in agony for relief
from the climbing anxiety within my heart
I know that i must not move
or blink
for without the quiet acknowledgment of this pain
i will not release it back into the air
from which it came…
and rid my body of the toxicity
that now runs like poison through my life

i give not into the pushing pulling instincts
within me to run and hide
or stay and fight…
to find the wonderful excitement of escape
from that which lies just beneath my surface…
i long to reach out to those who might
make me forget… lotus blossoms of courage…
an eater i wish to be… but then lost to the darkness…
I would forever be….

so i wait until this choking pain passes
leaving not peace, but quiet within my soul,
i ask not for that which i am not entitled…
peace is too much to ask, so i beg for
silence to grant my spirit a reprieve
from the conflagration of fire
that burns so fervently within me
leaving me gasping to breathe
…breath is but a luxury….

pure clarity

Pure clarity…
Now is the time for managing emotion-
for finding peace within the storm-
for not reacting to the pain;
such is this push and pull of life
that takes me from one extreme to the next- wildly…
Now is the time for quiet even during
the loudest of actions-
And solitude even while pain burns so brightly within the confines of my heart
that my skin is charred and blistered

Pure clarity…
Creates space to find the emptiness
that is required to weather
the heartache of this mess
and find the joy within my own heart
to keep moving forward in light.