My heart is breaking
He who knows me best, knows me not at all
And I feel so shamed for trying
The veil has been lifted from my eyes
Yet I feel more alone than I could have ever imagined
Ashamed and alone
Full of pain I sit here hoping
Someone can remind me
That the universe has a plan
That I am not crazy
~manny~
You were my very first love
until you banished me
until you decided i was too old to feel
You left me without understanding
and alone….without love
without honor
You entered sacred places
under the guise of lies
and utterly destroyed them
You betrayed all trust
and desecrated my silence
with your selfishness
i gave all i had to you
my heart, my soul, my body
and you acted like it didn’t matter
…like i didn’t matter…
I don’t hate you
i love you yet
because you broke my heart
The pain of your departure from me
…turning away from me
… painful indifference of me
It has remained inside me
Hidden away from prying eyes
Continuously replaying your tragedy
Cold and alone
… it lingers with me
… housed deep within my heart
Fearing discovery.
Years soften pain’s blow
Time’s softly smoothing the edges
And it lessens within my heart
And now, different and sure
Flying up high on butterfly wings
Pain becomes fuel to soar
I let you go.
Let it go, let it flow, let it run!
Sunlight reflected rainbows;
Beautiful to behold.
.
Oh! Tall and constant Lover!
My statue in the sea;
Clouds crown your head, as you hover
Above… protectively.
Birds flock to you to hear your song–
‘Floats softly on the breeze;
A tune, dependable and strong,
Keeps hearts and souls at ease!
True and ever constant statue!
You stand alone in time;
What artisan from rock and stone
Carved such ancient design?
Peacefulness is the light you shine!
Stormy seas rage, wild winds blow;
Still, fortitude, I find,
Within my rock, my lord, my beau;
Constant and unconfined.
Under your guard, I find my home,
Firm stance, unfaltering;
And those songs that are yours alone—
Within my spirit ring.
Thru’ wind and rain– remains your throne
A light for those in need;
A true guide, calling lost souls home,
A holy task indeed!
Sweet Lucy was a child of the trees,
Sweet Lucy… left alone,
Sweet Lucy searched but could find no relief,
A child with no home.
Why was she left all alone?
Sweet Lucy, why?
While Lucy’s mother ran away to play,
With men she so desired,
Sweet Lucy sat by herself unconstrained,
Until mom’s fun retired.
Why was Lucy all alone?
Why, oh why?
Lucys brother cared little for her soul,
His anger set at Dad,
Lucy pretended that she did not know,
That all he felt was mad.
Why did Lucy suffer so?
Sweet Lucy, why?
One sordid day, her mother brought him home,
A “friend” for Lucy true,
He said he loved her, with a secret known,
By only Lucy Blue.
Why was Lucy all alone?
What did he do?
Sweet Lucy and her mother’s “friend” remained,
Together for some time,
And in his bed, the two secretly laid,
Where no one dared to find.
Why was she left all alone?
Why Sweet Lucy, why?
Sweet Lucy kept her true secret inside,
Even after he left,
Though gone, the secret remained in her mind,
Sweet Lucy’s soul bereft.
Sweet Lucy, Sweet Lucy
Why oh why?
Sweet Lucy was a child of the trees,
Sweet Lucy… left alone,
Death was Sweet Lucy’s only relief,
From a uncaring home.
Sweet Lucy, Sweet Lucy why?
Why were you left alone?
Years turned into time and time now is past
Some say still, Sweet Lucy roams,
And within the windswept trees she found at last
The Caring arms of home.
Sweet Lucy no longer suffers so,
Sweet Lucy’s soul at rest!
A wickedness I can’t ignore…
Wicked spirit calling me,
Evil deeds that I endure;
Desirous…. and more.
I, a wind blowing free,
A cyclone of symphonic energy;
Exorcists waiting at my door.
Who can stop my cavalry?
Fine tuned horses run to war;
Saddle up… if you are sure.
Passionate flames flowing free,
Burning all that touches me;
You’ll leave me only wanting more.
Wicked, wicked, wicked… three
Scratches and your back is torn;
Three and then you hit the floor.
Three and only three, no more.
A wickedness I can’t ignore…..
Slow, deliberate dream sea; washes over
Life’s impurity. Emotion’s fury!
Take hold and sink slow! This line in between
The truth we see and the truth we know;
Well beneath the mind, the emotions flow.
Great tempest of honesty, whose waters–
Ushering the journey to the inside,
Are open wide; in this dream sea we stow.
A lit’ral bride to things already known,
But from which we hide from our own true mind.
What we see, a separate truth in dream;
Stronger still, our own desire to know
The truth that lies beneath our own disguise.
So in the dark of night, our self takes flight,
Sinking slow in dream waters we all go.
Emotions captive! Lay back and low,
Float among those things we’re afraid to know.
Dream’s tale is long and deliberately slow,
So slowly go; And dream’s sweet truth’ll be shown.
Sea of dreams- through your dream sea we grow.
What was old is new again;
The end, we all consume.
Just as night finds us, he’ll find you too!
So beneath day’s moon be true.
Listen with eyes open!
With the eyes you were given to hear;
From wanton need be free, to see,
Life’s flowers growing near.
The scarecrow stands and watches,
With no desires to be fed;
With little need for things, indeed;
‘Cept the sun and moon’s sweet bed.
Standing guard in a field of grain,
While autumn’s wind blows by;
His steady eyes stay focused still-
On the waning golden sky.
As should we, you and I!
Because All of it is nothing…
All of it Nothing at All!
Open your heart to beauty,
And into beauty, may you fall!
Ode to Hate
Oh Boil and Bubble! Your black ooze,
It Covers me, troubles me,
Witches brew, smothers me;
Dark potion doubles my feelings for you-
This witch’s brew.
Green liquid, I drank you
I can no longer supplant you
Obey your dark orders, I do!
I have no other feelings but you-
This witch’s brew.
Cauldron of darkness! I worship
Your starkness, I hold nothing left
That is true;
Pain and lies and pesticide-
This horrible witch’s brew.
Oh! That I could return
To before, my covenant with you!
the SIBYL'S SONG 