breath is but a luxury

~breath is but a luxury~

this flow is too much to manage today
it is growing, making its way up to my throat
and choking my voice
uncomfortably stoic, i remain seated
staring at a blank screen
waiting for words to emerge from
the depths of my heart-
anything to make this silence yet more comfortable
to bear

though I wait here in agony for relief
from the climbing anxiety within my heart
I know that i must not move
or blink
for without the quiet acknowledgment of this pain
i will not release it back into the air
from which it came…
and rid my body of the toxicity
that now runs like poison through my life

i give not into the pushing pulling instincts
within me to run and hide
or stay and fight…
to find the wonderful excitement of escape
from that which lies just beneath my surface…
i long to reach out to those who might
make me forget… lotus blossoms of courage…
an eater i wish to be… but then lost to the darkness…
I would forever be….

so i wait until this choking pain passes
leaving not peace, but quiet within my soul,
i ask not for that which i am not entitled…
peace is too much to ask, so i beg for
silence to grant my spirit a reprieve
from the conflagration of fire
that burns so fervently within me
leaving me gasping to breathe
…breath is but a luxury….

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