Tag: love

Deep

Fear takes me and tightens my body,
Locks my jaw, sucks in my lips,
Chewing away at peace-
Anger always lurking in the shadows
Always ready to pounce
And fear smiles at me as she stings my heart
Over and over again
I sing and tap to remain present
But the roots of my pain run deep

Learning

Learning to shut doors, to shut thought,
To stop being right
And being quiet instead
Lessons in freedom
Releasing need for validation
For accolades
For worth
Anger residualized
Finds pain and hovers with it
Losing energy, dying away
Fear and incomprehension
I will miss this anger
For she has held me for so long

Betrayal

Betrayal, was like a fever within me
Always damp and lingering
A darkness that connected to my heart
And dampened sound until the
Mere act of beating was labored and silent
The fullness of this betrayal upon my heart
Crossed lifetimes, the fear so raw
The confusion eliminating all sight
And here now, attempting to heal now
I can at least see what has bound me so
To this pain, to this path
For in the forgiveness is the letting go
We must seek the truth to destroy illusion
We must see to understand
And I am no more that which took my breath
Than I am at all anything

Surrender

To the devil whose darkness
lies within me
My body surrendered
And I opened like a flower
Falling beneath its touch
I released all those memories
Exploding from me, crackling off my skin
No longer hidden, but a rush of energy-
Shaking and loth to find my breath
I merged with the shadows
Full and unafraid
Until quivering my body lay spent beside me
And with a smile remembered the words
To ancient songs long forgotten-
Reunited echoes once again

Home

The fear overtakes and all that was bright
Burns to ash
This heart crumbles upon the cliffs and rock
My face like a stone, rigid and tight
Oh and this body as it cries out
My mind sits by helpless and lost

I stumble home cold and wounded
Crawling towards respite and relief
Covered by agony
Slowly releasing, rising up and away
I find my place amid the brush and dirt
To heal and strengthen once again

Both sides

Went to the upper world
Entered by climbing a golden glowing rope
Into the clouds- into the sky
My eyes were greeted with golden geese
Walking past me like little women
And I ran into an old woman
Covered in a glowing cloak
I asked to understand more about me
She laid me down and felt my darkness
Released the dark, the heavy
I got scared
I saw people covered in dark hoods
Walking to war
I was scared of them and felt a part of them
And she told me to accept the darkness
That was my journey
I sat with the pain and anger the fear
For a time- trying to let go of the fear
Trying to let it all float away
Both sides, both sides are me
And the drumming changed
And I didn’t want to go
But I left because I needed to go home

Journey to my foremothers

I was cold and I went down a dirty staircase
Coming up the other side I felt deary
Butterfly flew past me and birds
I wanted to find my grandmother
I wanted to understand how to heal
the relationship with my mom
Her mother was there
They showed me the unhappiness that lingered in the family
Grandmother senior had a cold and distant husband
And grandmother had an alcoholic
And mom had a cheater
And the anger that she felt
Shaped me, suffocated me
I was frightened and full of fear-
Collapsed under her dark cloud of anger

I understood that the pain she lived with lives with me too
The fear she felt from the cruelty of her parent’s toxicity
resides with me
And that I can heal my family line
By healing myself of this pain
My fore mothers are with me still
Shining a light even in darkness
Showing me another way

And it felt like popping and glowing
This release of energy, deep and profound
Healing- deep and releasing
I let go of old stored feelings trapped
Beneath… popping and dancing off my skin
And peace blossomed in the painful areas
As understanding shined through the darkness