Tag: guilt


these words that fall
from your lips
land heavy at my feet…
concrete blocks of
your truth
that close me in
and prevent me from moving-
soon your feelings will
imprison me
within these walls
and I will cease to breathe

standing still

here, in the spot a year later,
still pondering
who I am
and what I see when my
reflection smiles back-
and what is life? oh wicked me!
so much traveling to remain
yet back where I began…
when does this end?
answers still linger in the ether
above my sight
and the more I try to pull them down
the less I understand…
please why, does this treadmill
of enlightenment keep me moving
only to stand still?

back to you

obsessive and unnatural-
the curves of thought
spiraling into dirty depths
of diseased memory, that link
back to you

dark and twisted passion, engraved
by a tortured tool, remain etched
within the walls of souls-
writing that predates first breath
and solvency

and these violent acts of love,
tied forever back to your touch,
remain within twisted fingers
bound by string- always
leading back to you


traumatic walls line my heart
as a dark shield of pain
what once was protection
now makes me a slave
it’s a cage of dull metal
and though i bite and i scratch
there is no relief
nor anyway to go back
oh! that i could take you
far away from here
but, my heart, you’re too willing
to just remain inside trapped


My guilt at not being more
grows steadily within-
and the harder you try to
show me your love
the farther I retreat into
my homemade prison…
Don’t you know that I cannot
bear thoughts of sweet nothings
whispered softly in my ear?
How can I possibly hear your wanderings
above the dull roar of disease
within my head?

counter and away

Oh bleeding heart!
Why are you
so adverse to the pleasures
of happiness
such that you run counter
and away- from the love you desire
in hopes of finding pain
to feed your false need for
what is familiar?

this maze

So much lies between
me and love
So many secrets that I keep
from myself
Barriers of self betrayal
line the rooms of my house
dividing any chance for sleep
for peace, for love to find me…
And though I cry out lost in
this maze of my own undoing
I am not strong enough to knock
it down


I have a darkness
that runs deep within me
buried like a well
to feed the pain inside;
The deepness runs through
space and time
securing my fears back
beyond this life…
And I linger here now
trying to make sense of this darkness
that covets me so


acid running through my mind
trying so desperately to hide
from the things you did, from the ledge
i stood, from the place i slid
from the callous use you made of me
the way you took, and i couldn’t grieve
because i didn’t know
that you were wrong, i simply believed
that it must be me
so I took the drug, and hid from all
the unhappy memories
i set up walls, and bridges to fortify me
but it didn’t work, and i was lost
and i’m still reeling from the lack you