the darkness of my home
sounds so empty today
as if the birds have left their branches
and taken shelter in another-
i think and dream
of more, of what could have been,
of what is yet to be-
i am lost today, adrift within my
own deep
wondering where the lightness
flew away to-
my heart aches for that which
i do not even know
as signs of love enter my dreams
and vanish just as quickly-
who is guiding me
with this painful encouragement?
and why are these arms
still cold with despair?
i am swimming in a sea of darkness
and devouring my heart
with this nothing that i feel-
when will the light return
and sing to me of faith and hope?
when will my arms not feel so cold?
when will i finally see the face of truth
and set myself free from these chains
with which I have bound my soul
to this plane; alone….
Tag: healing
thought
Inner child’s voice
Without clear thought
The mind is muddled
Too many words spinning
Tying and untying knot after knot
The deeper the wound is touched
The tighter the threads are locked
This inner child raises her voice
Only to be drowned out by the clamoring
Of thought
So many times she’s tried to tell
And so many times she’s failed
It’s my own fault
Traumas run deep and come out dirty
My mind would rather block it out
With words- images- confusion
Until i completely lose the plot
And walk away
guilt
Guilt is a cavern into which my heart falls
time and time again, i am sucked into the void
of her energy
into her spinning darkness
falling, falling- to what seems like no end
i am lost to her poisonous embrace
her body covers me, binds me
until my life sits on the floor
of her throne
begging for mercy
locked inside her dungeon
my inner child cries
she claws at the cold stone
looking for a way out
for release from her mystical hold
like longing, i worship her
i avoid her,
i scream obscenities at her
yet, powerless over her wiles
i cower in fear and anger
launched at myself, through myself
and explode all around myself
bits of my heart, flying in all directions
i am nothing without her
she would have me believe this
save for my heart, who soothes me
as she comes back together again and again
to try to show me another way
morning meditation
I leave behind the chaos
Of my mind
To sink deep to where my
Emotions hide
Dark and warm
Flashing colors speak and play
Silence thickens into lines
As I let go of word and thought
Transformed into sound
That cannot be heard, but felt
Alive! I vibrate as a deep resounding
Wave; light and grey…
Above me, I hear the call of a bell
And returning from this place
Of peace, I bring with me the sounds
I’ve felt… to walk! To dream! To dance
Upon the gates of heaven’s spell
I am reborn into this day
lost myself
I wanted you to stop,
I wanted to scream it,
But my words got stuck in my chest
And just spun around there
In fury and in darkness,
Like a wound I couldn’t heal,
A scab I couldn’t pick-
This itch that screamed in pain
For lack
Making me sick…
It boiled over, blasting red hot rage
All over my breast
Lack of breath-
Stunted I sat enraged by this lack,
This hole,
This nagging pain with no voice,
Until it ate away at my soul,
Until there was nothing left of my joy
But remnants of your explosion…
I wanted you to stop
To scream it from the depths of my heart-
But my voice carried no wave
And I lost myself to the pain
june dew
Rape
Summer darkness on my face
And dew clinging to my back;
Your body, heavy, in my space,
Left the world behind me-
Like a bolt of red light
You shot through my peace,
Devastating what was left of me-
And alone, my naked body walked
In circles, stammering like a broken record,
As submissive pee ran down my leg
hidden inside
i found the door within my heart
and opened it…
words, without sound, ushered me
into this light filled space
and into the moment…
oh breath! you take me as a bride
on her wedding day-
your soft embrace, covers me
with a warm salve
assuaging my fears;
and as my body floats forward
a mirror glows, reflecting my soul…
in wonder and in praise i sigh,
for the love within this heart
is but a dim reminder of what remains
hidden inside…
winter’s cold
cold winds rip through these open windows-
full now of neglectful emotions that stir
just beneath the morning’s frost…
echoes of summer sun, warm upon my cheek,
find no repose within the chilled hallways of my heart;
now is the time to dive deep within what is lost
to find the truest form of me…
alone, lonesome, cold… a traveler with no home
but that which i carry upon my back-
there is no hope within the realm of winter’s bone
for flesh is stripped of illusion and what remains
is but a light, dimmed not by the cold,
but left to settle upon the altar of my heart
lost
The cavern in which my heart dwells
Is full of throbbing sadness
The reversed queen sits heavy upon
My shoulders as I try to forgive
And make right
And while the blood that’s spilled
Upon the walls of this cave remind
Me of things I still need to do
I try to let go with love
Each journey their own space
Mine, protected now by the source,
Circling magic; I remain heartfelt
And sad for what’s been lost
The coming of the winter solstice
Longest day approaches
And the pregnant sky prepares
For the birth of another sun-
Holy is the coming of light!
And the moon, full in her power,
Comforts the pain of new beginnings;
What is to come now that the darkness
Is pushed aside once again?
And what lingers in the shadows yet?
All is love as we find the new awakening
Of a new year
Heart and mind as one-
Between the inhale and the exhale;
The death and birth of change;
We grow inside this interface
And sing the ancient songs of praise.
the SIBYL'S SONG 