within my heart

i dug a hole…
the soil was so dark and wet
and i could smell the damp earth
as it clung to my fingers, my clothes
my knees…

perhaps someday, I might lie down
inside this muddy hole and let
the world drift by… though i hold no false
hope that i might find peace

should endings be that easy! i could
simply drift into the rain swept sky
releasing myself into the arms of
my own eternity!

alas, i remain here still, covered now
in this musty earth, listening to the slow
drip of time echo within the walls of this hole
that lingers so within my heart

the fool

there was nothing there for me
when i looked into that
grand expanse
it was all just noise
and though i longed for some
great sage advice
that might lead me perhaps
to that which i seek
i sit in disappointment
because the darkness i so
wished to confront
was but my own echo
back at me

the frailty of life! what can release
the dull ache that lies just beneath
this exterior of cool?
perhaps it’s all just a fake
and I am the ultimate fool

mighty river’s flow

the tickling of rain, falling
against window glass lines my view
with streaks of fractured light
and broken sound…
the quiet death of suicidal
drops, colliding against clear
but solid- illusion…
how I feel for these lovingly mistaken
falling children of the clouds
oh that they should suffer
at my windowpane
without knowledge of the mistake
they are making in their falling…
and to see the love
my heart holds for you yet the same!
and decide rather to fall through trees
instead onto pane…
so that I might turn from that
which mirrors my descent and land
instead into the mighty river’s flow

violent and exquisite

alone, with just this downpour of
thought- and thunder! breaking the sky!
i am silent and hopeful, as i try to
remain untouched by the rain that falls
in sheets so heavily upon my mind…
and though the violence of this storm
is blinding, i am ready to cleanse the
heart of that which it has long denied!
deny today, i will not, yet find that which
is more useful to my heart, a cleansing touch
of acid rain to rid this chest of
all that was left behind…
these thoughts of you! may they drown
upon the puddles of my spirit
collected within my mind’s eye…
as the thunder clouds that grow within me
clear your essence from my memory
in a most violent and exquisite way

vile hold

darkened squalor-
criss crossed and dirty;
these walls are lined
with your filth,
with your hatred and pain…
what can cure a heart of such
wretchedness-
of such unsanitary condition-
when you locked the door so long ago
and ate the key in your selfishness?

now bloated and rotting this chest
of mine waits for some divine
locksmith to find me
hiding within the stench
of your hatred
to release the vile hold
your disease has had over me

prison of heart

moments hang grossly upon the
thick and humid air,
memories
coded in sounds that dangle
furtively in front of me….

would that my fingers could pluck
these remembrances out of the ether
and objectively turn them
around and around
in my hand
until I could exact the last from them
and finally let them go…

alas, the night doesn’t allow for sleep
and the noise that plays
within my heart, taunting me,
escapes my grasp-

So I wait on the very edge of thought
For release
From the prison
that houses my heart

no reserve

Thoughts that from my heart
Drip slowly to the floor
Leave me standing in a puddle
Of tears and pondering

What is the leak that from my
Veins flow- this quiet of time,
That lingers now upon a dirty
Ground waiting for me?

And this smile fastened to my mouth
Would you see the false lips curve
Or kiss the frailty that collects now
At my feet?

Innocence has no reserve
For when this well runs dry,
what will remain to quench
This hurt?