Tag: guilt

breath is but a luxury

~breath is but a luxury~

this flow is too much to manage today
it is growing, making its way up to my throat
and choking my voice
uncomfortably stoic, i remain seated
staring at a blank screen
waiting for words to emerge from
the depths of my heart-
anything to make this silence yet more comfortable
to bear

though I wait here in agony for relief
from the climbing anxiety within my heart
I know that i must not move
or blink
for without the quiet acknowledgment of this pain
i will not release it back into the air
from which it came…
and rid my body of the toxicity
that now runs like poison through my life

i give not into the pushing pulling instincts
within me to run and hide
or stay and fight…
to find the wonderful excitement of escape
from that which lies just beneath my surface…
i long to reach out to those who might
make me forget… lotus blossoms of courage…
an eater i wish to be… but then lost to the darkness…
I would forever be….

so i wait until this choking pain passes
leaving not peace, but quiet within my soul,
i ask not for that which i am not entitled…
peace is too much to ask, so i beg for
silence to grant my spirit a reprieve
from the conflagration of fire
that burns so fervently within me
leaving me gasping to breathe
…breath is but a luxury….

Ode to Guilt

ODE TO GUILT

Your melancholy song in my head
And on my soul, Of things
once said and truth untold;
Mournful tunes upon my breast
Haunt my waking day and nightly rest.

Since my youth, you’ve suckled me
Held me close, vampirically;
My dark sun!  Old friend of none!
Mother of my sorrow–
You nurture the dusk of tomorrow.

Oh Guilt! Dark pleasure!
Black candle in the joy of life;
Your dark light runs thru my veins.
Dear friend, only you remain;
On the coldest days, the warmth you feign.

How close you hold my secret pain!

Constant are you who stay with me
And hold those bonds
That keep me from free;
Heavy shadow on my steps,
In your darkness, I reflect.

Longtime friend, your roots run deep
In your branches my secrets keep
In your leaves, my sorrow flows
In your bark my darkness grows
Trapped inside you, is my soul.