Tag: guilt

this maze

So much lies between
me and love
So many secrets that I keep
from myself
Barriers of self betrayal
line the rooms of my house
dividing any chance for sleep
for peace, for love to find me…
And though I cry out lost in
this maze of my own undoing
I am not strong enough to knock
it down

covets

I have a darkness
that runs deep within me
buried like a well
to feed the pain inside;
The deepness runs through
space and time
securing my fears back
beyond this life…
And I linger here now
trying to make sense of this darkness
that covets me so

devin

acid running through my mind
trying so desperately to hide
from the things you did, from the ledge
i stood, from the place i slid
from the callous use you made of me
the way you took, and i couldn’t grieve
because i didn’t know
that you were wrong, i simply believed
that it must be me
so I took the drug, and hid from all
the unhappy memories
i set up walls, and bridges to fortify me
but it didn’t work, and i was lost
and i’m still reeling from the lack you
caused…

darkening sky

it was a 2am party raging
while you slowly took me outside
the grass was cool and i could
feel the dew on my back
you didn’t really give me reason
and besides, i was too high to understand,
though i closed my eyes for just a moment
and you were there, on top of me,
and before i could scream
the pain billowed out
and there was nothing I could see
but the darkening sky

holes

You ask for my decision
Will I give you what you need?
I hesitate blindly
Knowing that I am too broken
To fill your heart with light
How can I catch rainbows
When my net is full of holes?

strange and ponderous

Sitting in my car, sunroof open,
staring at the clouds
as I listen to cars hustle by-
And I think of fresh linen
What a juxtaposition
Clean skies, and dirty sounds

Thinking of my life, such
wondrous similarities….
healthy living masking
dirty emotions
that lie just underneath
a clean facade

….Strange and ponderous