Tag: spirituality

a bad wife

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~a bad wife~

I’ve been a bad wife
moving without thought, forever forward,
impossibly looking for that which
eludes me

Without measure of my actions
I’ve walked the line between right and wrong
and results have never weighed much
upon my mind

repercussions ring now, at the end
of all things,
with loud fever; darkening the doorstep
of my heart

how does one recover
from the stain
of causing such irrevocable pain
and misery?

cruelty that dwells within my spirit
haunts the steps of that which is light

tin can

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i’m a tin can being kicked down the road
just wandering without direction
or purpose

I don’t even realize how far I’ve been moved
until i pick my head up and realize
i’ve no idea where i am anymore

no win win

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~no win win~

There is no answer to this-
no win win
The die’s been cast and the last
person holding the hot potato loses…
Don’t know why it has come to this,
this incredible pain of recognition,
that all is lost…
That what was, truly is no longer,
and no amount of weeping will change
that reckoning for me

Would that i could release the past
and move with love into that uncertain future
But the hands that hold me to the present
are so strong that I cannot breathe,
none the less see…
So I remain stuck, still, waiting for your
grip upon my chest to lighten
so I can find release,
so that I can find a way free
from the pain and guilt that binds me

breath is but a luxury

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~breath is but a luxury~

this flow is too much to manage today
it is growing, making its way up to my throat
and choking my voice
uncomfortably stoic, i remain seated
staring at a blank screen
waiting for words to emerge from
the depths of my heart-
anything to make this silence yet more comfortable
to bear

though I wait here in agony for relief
from the climbing anxiety within my heart
I know that i must not move
or blink
for without the quiet acknowledgment of this pain
i will not release it back into the air
from which it came…
and rid my body of the toxicity
that now runs like poison through my life

i give not into the pushing pulling instincts
within me to run and hide
or stay and fight…
to find the wonderful excitement of escape
from that which lies just beneath my surface…
i long to reach out to those who might
make me forget… lotus blossoms of courage…
an eater i wish to be… but then lost to the darkness…
I would forever be….

so i wait until this choking pain passes
leaving not peace, but quiet within my soul,
i ask not for that which i am not entitled…
peace is too much to ask, so i beg for
silence to grant my spirit a reprieve
from the conflagration of fire
that burns so fervently within me
leaving me gasping to breathe
…breath is but a luxury….

pure clarity

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Pure clarity…
Now is the time for managing emotion-
for finding peace within the storm-
for not reacting to the pain;
such is this push and pull of life
that takes me from one extreme to the next- wildly…
Now is the time for quiet even during
the loudest of actions-
And solitude even while pain burns so brightly within the confines of my heart
that my skin is charred and blistered

Pure clarity…
Creates space to find the emptiness
that is required to weather
the heartache of this mess
and find the joy within my own heart
to keep moving forward in light.

this tempest

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A mountain is unmoved
by even the wildest of storms

Let my heart be that mountain
And remain steadfast through
the tempest of emotion that ravages
my mind and body, enrapturing thought
And spirit.

Gail force winds of anger and guilt;
Shame and fear.. let them beat upon
My breast;
Imprisoning breath;
Until the tops of trees quiver with energy
And all that once was
Is replaced, returned and retraced

This steadfast heart of mine! Hold on
But a little longer through this tempest of
Pain
Whilst the nature of emotion
Runs through the gambit of fate
And all returns, not the same, but
Cleaner and more quiet.

fire of past

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~fire of past~

I have a longing to pull flesh from spirit
and fill it with echoes of the past
my heart swells with remembering
and aches with separation

there is nothing that can remove
the thoughts of days beyond me
and the time that lies in front
is swellling with emotion

why does this vex my soul?
why, what can it mean to be pulled
so inexorably back to a place
that is no longer?

my mind is swimming with memories
that are not mine
and yet, dwell within me
a fire yet to be quelled…. a flame un flinching

i cry to be saved from this conflagration
of spirit… for relief from the fire of pain
and still i sit here, wondering
my soul, alight with mystery and divine

A wickedness I can’t ignore

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A wickedness I can’t ignore…

Wicked spirit calling me,
Evil deeds that I endure;
Desirous…. and more.

I, a wind blowing free,
A cyclone of symphonic energy;
Exorcists waiting at my door.

Who can stop my cavalry?
Fine tuned horses run to war;
Saddle up… if you are sure.

Passionate flames flowing free,
Burning all that touches me;
You’ll leave me only wanting more.

Wicked, wicked, wicked… three
Scratches and your back is torn;
Three and then you hit the floor.

Three and only three, no more.

A wickedness I can’t ignore…..

Dreams

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Slow, deliberate dream sea; washes over
Life’s impurity.  Emotion’s fury!
Take hold and sink slow!  This line in between
The truth we see and the truth we know;
Well beneath the mind, the emotions flow.

Great tempest of honesty, whose waters–
Ushering the journey to the inside,
Are open wide; in this dream sea we stow.
A lit’ral bride to things already known,
But from which we hide from our own true mind.

What we see, a separate truth in dream;
Stronger still, our own desire to know
The truth that lies beneath our own disguise.
So in the dark of night, our self takes flight,
Sinking slow in dream waters we all go.

Emotions captive!  Lay back and low,
Float among those things we’re afraid to know.
Dream’s tale is long and deliberately slow,
So slowly go; And dream’s sweet truth’ll be shown.
Sea of dreams- through your dream sea we grow.

What was old is new again (on Truth and Art)

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What was old is new again;
The end, we all consume.
Just as night finds us, he’ll find you too!
So beneath day’s moon be true.

Listen with eyes open!
With the eyes you were given to hear;
From wanton need be free, to see,
Life’s flowers growing near.

The scarecrow stands and watches,
With no desires to be fed;
With little need for things, indeed;
‘Cept the sun and moon’s sweet bed.

Standing guard in a field of grain,
While autumn’s wind blows by;
His steady eyes stay focused still-
On the waning golden sky.

As should we, you and I!

Because All of it is nothing…
All of it Nothing at All!
Open your heart to beauty,
And into beauty, may you fall!