Tag: sorrow

prison of heart

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moments hang grossly upon the
thick and humid air,
memories
coded in sounds that dangle
furtively in front of me….

would that my fingers could pluck
these remembrances out of the ether
and objectively turn them
around and around
in my hand
until I could exact the last from them
and finally let them go…

alas, the night doesn’t allow for sleep
and the noise that plays
within my heart, taunting me,
escapes my grasp-

So I wait on the very edge of thought
For release
From the prison
that houses my heart

no reserve

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Thoughts that from my heart
Drip slowly to the floor
Leave me standing in a puddle
Of tears and pondering

What is the leak that from my
Veins flow- this quiet of time,
That lingers now upon a dirty
Ground waiting for me?

And this smile fastened to my mouth
Would you see the false lips curve
Or kiss the frailty that collects now
At my feet?

Innocence has no reserve
For when this well runs dry,
what will remain to quench
This hurt?

way to light

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The sorrow is dark and utter
As if you’re sinking into yourself
Your eyes fall inward and behind
And the light hides

Collapsing like a wave function
Your darkness is overtaking
And you’ve given up the back
That used to carry you through

I sense so little hope in your arms
As they settle at your sides
Your spirit hangs softly from your spine
Within the warmth of our embrace

Would that I could pull the sorrow
From your chest and swallow it
Whole, so as to be rid of this evil
And find love

Though you carry such pain
Your heart is but yours to heal
Though I try to provide comfort
Within yourself is the way to light

burdens

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would that i could cry tears of pain
from my soul
just to release the heavy water
that hangs my heart so low….
i would line the sky with thunder clouds
to let the heavens roar
and rain pour down- until this
sorrow was released
from the very depths of me…
Oh to be a cloud that could just let go-
these burdens- how they haunt me so

nothing is the same

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swollen with the remnants of wine
from last night, this heavy head
moves through the morning slow
and uncertain
what was that you said? things aren’t
what they’ve seemed and your heart
isn’t as constant as you’ve led me to
believe…
the world is turning, and now i’m flipped
onto this aching head
left to make sense of all of this
while you quietly remove your heart
from the conversation…
fear invades the corners of my soul
i guess in the end i gave up control
nothing is the same anymore

cold

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cruel is not a strong enough word
for that which my heart finds
capable; some might call me
cold- though within this chest flows
something more than ice-
it’s an emptiness that cannot be
described…
and yet i try to love, i do, with the
limited warmth i have within me,
there’s just no loving a cool cool
darkness…. it’s like breathing in space
i would take your breathe away and then
explode your lungs into tiny slivers of
frozen stone
best to leave it alone…. i can’t even
stand myself.

rivers

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tears rolled down the mountain
cutting a way through trees and
debris
as if an unstoppable pain forged
these snaking rivers…
and the stars watched in disdain
as the birds sang in the distance

fire of my eternity

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the afternoon sun warms my foot as
my heel bobs up and down,
uncomfortably,
memory finds its way forward-
past moving through time
slow like sludge…. so begrudgingly…

small bits of a puzzle fit together
to form a larger picture of me…
and yet, I hate this digging
into history; would that I remain
stuck here in present frame
to suffer in darkness than to shed
light onto such lunacy and pain…

yet- to survive into an unknown
future the puzzle must complete
and when it does- i will burn it-
releasing all that was stored into
the ether… oh to shed the skin of
what was and be reborn!

so I sit with my own hot past
shaking, biting and scratching memories
out of the darkness and into the light
so I can fit them together
and let them go into the fire of my
eternity…

cruel illusion

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i fear that I would wander the world
looking for that which already
lingers within me, afraid that
what is housed in my heart is
not enough to sustain love…
even as the sun shines
and the moon shines
i would question this because
darkness is a cruel illusion
that enters as friend and never leaves
oh! my cruel friend turned master
what would you have me do but feed
your emptiness with more of me?

one step at a time

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i am so scared
of finally learning the truth
of what lies inside me;
these memories fail-
recall doesn’t work and I try.
the mystery of my heart
it’s eating me up inside
i’m hiding like a child-
stuck in a closet with no door-
this maze of forgiveness…
hallways of my childhood
dark and scary, I run
and close my eyes…
anger blocks the way forward
still I try… one step at a time