This insufferable lack of ease
Spinning in my mind
And over my face; jaw locked tight
Anger just below ready to ignite
All masking this despair I feel
This darkness of inadequacy
This hatred of self
My body sits so tightly
Expecting attack
Ready to advance upon my own heart
What can be done in the face of such energy?
Yet still, I wait for the storms to pass
I linger with the ever explosive-
Inside the darkness I am quietly waiting
For the sun to shine
So I can bury my dead and heal my injured
And smile once again
Tag: poetry
Dissolve away
This body is sick with fear
And covered in anger
Red glowing embers reach into nostril
Choking down thought and throat
I am captive of it
Their rebellion of body and emotion
My teeth grind
I sit here and watch the horror
Of green and red explosions
They even took hold in my back
Setting camp by a shoulder blade
Such destruction they lay-
I remember to relax my grinding teeth
And tell myself it’s okay
All things dissipate in time
So I will not fight the pain, the dissension
With more pain and control
But rather I will look upon this body with love
And wait for the tantrum to lose strength
And dissolve away
Droplets fall
It’s a slow drip
This heart of mine
Slowly methodically drip drip drip
I hear it within me, leaking
This heart! A leaking ship!
My hands rush to catch the droplets
And pull back in disgust
A symphony of running, catching, wasting
Washing; echoes seeping, dripping
Dropping-
My mind a-flutter with madness
Tapping memories of pains long passed
Still this drip, cleanse the soul!
And yet I sit, waiting still
For the next droplet from my heart
to gently fall
Folds of time
Let loose your grip
And everything will fall into place
Rest resides within
Fear feeds upon the wicked
As raindrops fall upon anointed heads
It will all come crashing down
In a thunderous boom
Nowhere left to hide
We stand before truth
Uncovered and vulnerable
Naked of all but balance
Where does the dim light hide?
Deeds are not forsaken
But energy in the folds of time
Lost today
The world looks cloudy today
My eyes cannot see the ground
A blanket of grey fear covers the sun
And anger returns after a long absence-
Words and echoes fill my head
Until I cannot speak or think
The sounds of severe faces, screaming
Whip around; leaves caught in the wind-
I shine my light, small that it is
Into the void and storm
Searching for survivors, my guides
Fly beside me, wolf and hawk as feathers fall
Lost, I lament, all feels lost today
A small king
I am but a very small king, standing upon a very tall wall
My heart, aflutter with hope and fear
as I look out into what is now a new landscape
what lingers within the branches of that great forest?
what awaits me once i figure out how to climb down?
what rope will foster me as i descend?
how will i know to keep my golden crown in place-
so small am i now, peering upon the land of my ancestors
death and disease hold no sway
as birds fly above me, large and imposing
I am but a tiny speck upon this growing land
my voice, a miniature song waiting to be replayed
and as i give my heart over to the abundance
upon which my eyes now feast,
I am reminded of this ending, now a beginning
where I might finally see my own face
Waiting
the light of my eyes is still shining
birds are still singing
this heart, yearning for more,
weeps inside my chest
locked down, inside this tyrant of mind
i can hear the soldiers buzzing
and bells ringing
and all that was, stripping bare-
my bosom quietly connecting
to time, flowing between what was
and what is yet to be
mother has taken us through with golden hands
of love and compassion
yet my body, sits here, in wait
wondering what will become of this new reality
I am caught between peace and a total unraveling
and I am waiting for you,
to find my soul upon the ridges of that sacred land…
my falcon, and my red breasted hawk
search and reach for the coming of a new day
and within my eyes, i smile
for i know it is all part of the plan
Learning
Learning to shut doors, to shut thought,
To stop being right
And being quiet instead
Lessons in freedom
Releasing need for validation
For accolades
For worth
Anger residualized
Finds pain and hovers with it
Losing energy, dying away
Fear and incomprehension
I will miss this anger
For she has held me for so long
Betrayal
Betrayal, was like a fever within me
Always damp and lingering
A darkness that connected to my heart
And dampened sound until the
Mere act of beating was labored and silent
The fullness of this betrayal upon my heart
Crossed lifetimes, the fear so raw
The confusion eliminating all sight
And here now, attempting to heal now
I can at least see what has bound me so
To this pain, to this path
For in the forgiveness is the letting go
We must seek the truth to destroy illusion
We must see to understand
And I am no more that which took my breath
Than I am at all anything
Burning away
I have been lost, drifting in and out
Breathing when i can
Sinking when the waves take me under
Hoping for a better end
Hoping that I will see
My eyes have been blinded by pain
My hands kept busy from fear
My heart locked safely away
Until nothing remains but darkness
And screams
This mind, unholy, this breast
Taken by the remnants and echoes of what’s passed
And now I sit on the edge of what I thought I wanted
Realizing that I am no more than still trapped
This time inside another shiny doll
Still not my eyes
What will I do when they take me away?
What will I leave of me?
Release yourself from the pain
And embrace the fear I hear them say
But I am small and scared
So instead of running I linger by
And watch as all I love burns away
the SIBYL'S SONG 