here i sit across from my rosie
from the killer who rang through
my heart last night
wrenching light
until i could understand something
bigger
this poor love, a dog
who has her own nature,
who has her own set of rules to live by-
she shook me with her brutality,
with her base nature
and as I heard the cries of the poor
creature i which she died
i was brought to tears
by the ferocity
and vulnerability
and just here now, she lies near me
trusting and loving
sleeping with a low hum of breath
and i am still reeling from the
thing… the death
that visited my ears, echoing
within me deeply
we are all animals
we are all creatures of destruction
and vulnerabitity
the lesson lies within the balance
of truth and honesty
as brutal in nature as can be
Tag: poems
alone
I stand alone upon this cliff
my toes, dig into dirt
as the grass tickles my feet
I am alone
with nothing left but my own will
with nothing but the resolve
of my heart
I do not dare sing
or weep
for the land is slowly drifting
beneath me
and sky shadowing things yet
to arrive
This is a fallacy, this truth
these lies
there is nothing but me
and the dirt
and the grass tickling my feet
and the sky
I am that I am
I am nothing and all
I am full and empty
I am alone
Humanity
The world within
Dark and void
Holds echoes of past truth
Ancestor consciousness
Clarity
Within the safety of this silence
I abide
With my doubt and loneliness
With my suffering
At my side
The world opens to rainbows
Of singing light
And I am lost to my own
Deep truths
Listen and you may hear me
Within you too
This voice that reaches deep
Into this void of truth
And pulls at the heart of
Humanity
thought
Inner child’s voice
Without clear thought
The mind is muddled
Too many words spinning
Tying and untying knot after knot
The deeper the wound is touched
The tighter the threads are locked
This inner child raises her voice
Only to be drowned out by the clamoring
Of thought
So many times she’s tried to tell
And so many times she’s failed
It’s my own fault
Traumas run deep and come out dirty
My mind would rather block it out
With words- images- confusion
Until i completely lose the plot
And walk away
Waiting for darkness to pass
Beneath this fear- doubt rages
She is a tempest of dark
And swirling energy
I hold my breath, close my eyes
But I can still feel her winds
Upon my breast
Her stench within my nose
I am blinded by her
Binded by her
She is me-
unraveled and ugly to behold
This nothingness and lack
This worthless and unworthy
What will become of me?
I fight still her whispers-
Her secret reminders
That I will never be enough
My heart is bleeding from her sweet
Sweet nothing
And all I can do is wait for this
Darkness to pass
Doubt
Beneath fear churns doubt
This ever present turning of
Not good enough
This doubt robs us
Of light, hope, confidence
Trust that we can move forward
Belief in ourselves
Doubt is a cold mistress
She lingers with her legs open
She wants you to fall into her
And she would have you believe
That she can make you brave
When really she only takes-
A narcissistic lover-
Who would rather feed you fear
And then feed upon you
Until there’s nothing left but darkness
Be the lighthouse
Be the lighthouse
Dark heavy energy
Finds peace within me
I embrace it and challenge it
I swallow it in one breath
And release it as light in the next
I am a converter
I lighthouse of change and compassion
I am a guide and a host
I am the beginning and end
I swallow shadows
And release light
I embrace fear with love
And free it from its own bindings
Until balance returns
Be the lighthouse
Transmute fear into light
And heaviness into joy
Eat darkness so you may become
A beacon of shining hope
Peace is found in the wisdom of balance
Return your being to the eternity of the NOW
And there you will find me
Cultivating energy and holding Space
As light-workers embrace their soul’s call
To freedom
guilt
Guilt is a cavern into which my heart falls
time and time again, i am sucked into the void
of her energy
into her spinning darkness
falling, falling- to what seems like no end
i am lost to her poisonous embrace
her body covers me, binds me
until my life sits on the floor
of her throne
begging for mercy
locked inside her dungeon
my inner child cries
she claws at the cold stone
looking for a way out
for release from her mystical hold
like longing, i worship her
i avoid her,
i scream obscenities at her
yet, powerless over her wiles
i cower in fear and anger
launched at myself, through myself
and explode all around myself
bits of my heart, flying in all directions
i am nothing without her
she would have me believe this
save for my heart, who soothes me
as she comes back together again and again
to try to show me another way
darkness and storms
This insufferable lack of ease
Spinning in my mind
And over my face; jaw locked tight
Anger just below ready to ignite
All masking this despair I feel
This darkness of inadequacy
This hatred of self
My body sits so tightly
Expecting attack
Ready to advance upon my own heart
What can be done in the face of such energy?
Yet still, I wait for the storms to pass
I linger with the ever explosive-
Inside the darkness I am quietly waiting
For the sun to shine
So I can bury my dead and heal my injured
And smile once again
Dissolve away
This body is sick with fear
And covered in anger
Red glowing embers reach into nostril
Choking down thought and throat
I am captive of it
Their rebellion of body and emotion
My teeth grind
I sit here and watch the horror
Of green and red explosions
They even took hold in my back
Setting camp by a shoulder blade
Such destruction they lay-
I remember to relax my grinding teeth
And tell myself it’s okay
All things dissipate in time
So I will not fight the pain, the dissension
With more pain and control
But rather I will look upon this body with love
And wait for the tantrum to lose strength
And dissolve away
the SIBYL'S SONG 