slow exhaustion fills my head
and my heart with intolerance
and cold;
so slow… moving as if I’m stuck
inside a dream on pause-
escaping just so often to breathe-
releasing just enough to sustain life-
so lost inside this empty pool-
devoid of water, dark like night,
feeling concrete sides of my subconscious
rising around me…
breathe- i remind myself- breathe
and all will fill again as rain falls;
yet for now, i sit and wait-
waiting on my beloved to respond
to my calls for help…
wisdom is a world away
Tag: pain
Again
The red hot embrace
Of anger’s cruel arms
Intertwine past and present
Until fact and fiction are but a blur of crimson
chaotically swirling around this head…
Bleeding heart, dripping silence onto the floor,
Lingers so hopeful- like a beaten dog
Like a loveless child
Until all that’s left of my red disease
Is hate and hell
And damnation
….Again
Where?
Rape
Days after, you smiled at me-
After you told all your friends
How you’d bagged me;
You thought we’d still be friends…
And I smoked too much weed,
And let myself smile back;
Like a doll or a thing-
It was all so surreal, if I could just
Push down and pretend-
That you weren’t just ringing in my ear
Panic in my chest
Hate in my heart
Loathing on my breast
You thing! Who took from me that which was
Mine to give
You hateful thing smiling like you didn’t just take
And what of me? Of this sinking, blocking
Building…
Where did the screams go?
june dew
Rape
Summer darkness on my face
And dew clinging to my back;
Your body, heavy, in my space,
Left the world behind me-
Like a bolt of red light
You shot through my peace,
Devastating what was left of me-
And alone, my naked body walked
In circles, stammering like a broken record,
As submissive pee ran down my leg
Guilt
An old friend knocked at my door-
She was dressed in black,
A hood covered her face;
Long since hidden,
Long ago locked away,
Her unshackled banging
Upon my chest broke the silence;
She’s come back!
Covered in speckles of anger,
Pain painting her face,
This forgotten friend found me-
Tormented, yet unbroken, her smile
Liked of shame and ungentleness…
And what of the words I’d say?
Guilt, you always know where to find me,
Friend of many long years-
I wished you away….
Yet this nerve within me, exploded,
And you’ve spilled your vileness
Upon my doorstep yet again
nothing but night
Silence broken
Still waters uneasily ripple
As screams across the mountainside
Echo upon my soul-
These ears! So attuned to nothing
Bleed in despair
All is lost! She whispered
All is lost! As song birds silently
Smoke upon the grounding of her breast…
Nothing left, darkness swallows
Insatiable night, red stars twinkle now
Within this heart
As anger takes control
And sadness licks his lips in delight
And shame hides within the dusty corners
And guilt lies drunken and swollen
Oh dark night, leave this heart to suffer
Upon the doorstep of fear…
There’s nothing left of light
There’s nothing left of light
Decay
Pain and Anger cling to each other;
as Guilt fuels Pain’s fire-
when the ashes spread,
so does the blaze;
eating through the foundations
leavind naught but hot dust
smelling of decay
on meditation
this illusion: so fleeting, so impermanent;
nothing remains when the last breath is drawn-
emotions, false in their knowing, convince
us that there is no end to suffering,
there is no end to lack-
yet, little emotion, flies like the wind
across the valley of soul,
searching for life to feed into, and off of…
as questions arise and fall…
my soul wonders in ecstasy and agony;
and without the bane of either-
i dwell upon the snow driven plain
of this moment
listening to sounds of time roll past
whispering secrets of eternity
own
On the brink of turning this page-
As if inside a waking dream-
My wings, like a great falcon, spread
And my eyes see equally what’s passed
As well as what’s to come yet;
Buzzing music fills my ears with songs,
Past and future mix into swirls of color
And sound-
I dare not look too far down….
There’s nothing to be had by diving into
Flesh born falsehood
But more emotional pain,blocked by thought patterns
That grit and grind
So for now, as the chapter’s words turn
Like dusty pages of the book of soul-
I linger within the open sky,
Eyes turned inside,
Guided now by the vast expanse of own
regret
it’s a sad resolution
this end of year mess
this nightmare that has no waking relief
this wound that has no dress
i am but a sailor adrift at sea
i am but a boat with no anchor
floating invisibly
what will happen to this heart of mine
when the cold winter blows though
the tattered halls of what once stood strong
there is nothing left for me
there is nothing left to see
sorrow and regret dogging days
with cold remorse
and hate
and tears that fall as cold as frozen rain
oh life! you can be cruel, i know
and i am nothing more than a joke
drifting off the shore
the SIBYL'S SONG 