A light was activated
As tiny explosions sent my heart
Into meltdown
It was the sound of death
That still clings to me
The vulnerability
The deep carnal fear
Darkness cannot cover that sound
The final gasps of potential
Lost to dust now
Deep trauma energy
Circled and climbed
Within me until shaking
I could not hear or speak
Surrounded in pain and anger
I just sat and sat
Still I’m waiting for some deeper clarity
My sweet dog didn’t mean
Her cruelty upon whatever
Lingered in the darkness of the garden
But within me she opened
Such ancient suffering
And now I sit with her actions
Her instincts
And pray for understanding
Tag: nature
Three elders
Stretching and straining
To hold it all in
The seams are coming undone
And all that lingers still
Within me is considering mutany
Three elders watch silently
As the expanding fear
Pushes against my fillings-
And while I know the future,
Not yet visible,
Is of no concern for me-
The tightening of my chest
And the pulling of my seams
Is uncomfortable yet-
Grandfathers show me another way!
Still the silence and speak!
I am listening for your clarity,
I am drowning beneath my own
Uncertainty and doubt-
Tokens from dreams line my pockets
And my heart begs for release
From these times
Truth be told- this journey is one of hope
But not for me
Noise and fear
The noise is deafening this morning
Words are not breaking through
And fear, loosed to run rampant
Upon the flowers and fruits
I’ve been growing,
Trampling burgeoning beauty,
Is growing in strength and ferocity-
Slithering among my garden
Are snakes of many colors
Some shedding skins
Some hunting
Some there just to get warmed
By the sun-
I am drowning in my lack
This inability to quiet my head
And drown away the noise that
Plagues my heart so
Would that I could find a sliver of peace
Within it I would hide my face
Until the quiet returns again.
Humanity
The world within
Dark and void
Holds echoes of past truth
Ancestor consciousness
Clarity
Within the safety of this silence
I abide
With my doubt and loneliness
With my suffering
At my side
The world opens to rainbows
Of singing light
And I am lost to my own
Deep truths
Listen and you may hear me
Within you too
This voice that reaches deep
Into this void of truth
And pulls at the heart of
Humanity
Doubt
Beneath fear churns doubt
This ever present turning of
Not good enough
This doubt robs us
Of light, hope, confidence
Trust that we can move forward
Belief in ourselves
Doubt is a cold mistress
She lingers with her legs open
She wants you to fall into her
And she would have you believe
That she can make you brave
When really she only takes-
A narcissistic lover-
Who would rather feed you fear
And then feed upon you
Until there’s nothing left but darkness
Possibility
Time here is clicking away
Each movement and ending
And a new beginning
Yet within this heart
I hear the eternal roar
Of a fire lit beyond time
Beyond the constructs
Of click click click
And within this fire
I bathe my soul
For within the eternity of
Timeless flames
I lose all that I thought I was
And dance with possibility
Be the lighthouse
Be the lighthouse
Dark heavy energy
Finds peace within me
I embrace it and challenge it
I swallow it in one breath
And release it as light in the next
I am a converter
I lighthouse of change and compassion
I am a guide and a host
I am the beginning and end
I swallow shadows
And release light
I embrace fear with love
And free it from its own bindings
Until balance returns
Be the lighthouse
Transmute fear into light
And heaviness into joy
Eat darkness so you may become
A beacon of shining hope
Peace is found in the wisdom of balance
Return your being to the eternity of the NOW
And there you will find me
Cultivating energy and holding Space
As light-workers embrace their soul’s call
To freedom
Embracing change
My heart bleeds
And yet my blood runs still
These pink and red tears
Unreserved
There’s a hole
That has no bottom
At least that I have
Found yet
And this fear of falling
Though through the air I slide
This mind likes to pretend
It has control
I am not lost
My course has no way
Free falling, flying, sliding
Embracing change
guilt
Guilt is a cavern into which my heart falls
time and time again, i am sucked into the void
of her energy
into her spinning darkness
falling, falling- to what seems like no end
i am lost to her poisonous embrace
her body covers me, binds me
until my life sits on the floor
of her throne
begging for mercy
locked inside her dungeon
my inner child cries
she claws at the cold stone
looking for a way out
for release from her mystical hold
like longing, i worship her
i avoid her,
i scream obscenities at her
yet, powerless over her wiles
i cower in fear and anger
launched at myself, through myself
and explode all around myself
bits of my heart, flying in all directions
i am nothing without her
she would have me believe this
save for my heart, who soothes me
as she comes back together again and again
to try to show me another way
Blossoming
I am enough
I stretch and reach to find the light
Within my darkness
My growth is emerging
As the sun’s warmth covers my
Blossoms in golden energy
And this is how it should be
Reaching deep within my soil
My soul leaves the cool embrace
Of what was
So that I may unfold into what
Is yet to be
Each layer a blessing
Each painful growth a new beginning
And soon, as my season nears completion
My journey will take yet another road
And the earth will feed upon my petals
And what is essentially me will return
To my true home to rest
the SIBYL'S SONG 