There is just a sadness
That lingers on the flesh
Like dew
and it wont go away, or dry up
Or change into something new…
It just simply sits there
Moistly on my skin
Reminding me that I am
Not soft to touch
But slick and slimy…
And foul with painful sorrow
I held a baby robin in my
Hand yesterday
Trying to lift it back into its nest
It’s heart was beating, mouth open
So full of frailty and life;
I waited to see mom return
Twice more she fell out of her
Poorly constructed nest
and twice more I lifted her back
Yet when I awoke this morning
The nest was empty
And a little body lay upon the mulch
Sadness within that empty nest-
As I watch the robin mother
Lament her fallen child
And I think of those empty
And poorly constructed places within my heart
That cannot hold love
And I too grieve for the loss
That lies within me
For that is equally as sorrowful
~dissolution~
the flow of tears from my eyes
hasn’t stopped since you
told me the date of our
dissolution
I can not fathom that
all is lost now
and your arms will no longer
hold my fears
my heart is utterly lost;
sinking below the least of
places i have been
forging new uncharted pain
what is to become of a soul
so dark and hidden
that I cannot even
find it myself?
I feel rather foolish
For holding on this long
And with this much force
There’s only so much leeway
The universe provides
Before it sees fit to intervene
All those things we *wish* for
Are but turns in the wheel of fate
….and nothing is permanent
To be so insistent
On a thing succeeding
Only breeds disharmony
There is no understanding-
This nature of fate and exacting karma
Acceptance is the only key
I wake up everyday
To thoughts of fresh starts
And though some things
Weigh upon my mind
Today I will try to keep
my heart
Light
And give thanks to the sun
And the air
And my breath
And to that which
I already have in this
Moment
It’s a game you play
With my heart
And it causes me great sadness
To the point that I am leaving
All this behind
I would rather spend a lifetime
Chasing dreams
Than another moment
Running after
Illusion
You are simply too much
For my heart to endure
There’s nothing more to be gained
By holding on
What was once forming
Now, like smoke, drifts in the air
And I would remain here, too,
Inhaling your divine incense-
sustaining thought and feeling-
But, that I know your truth…
Mirrors are never good liars
And I see your reflection
In my own minds eye;
Your smile brings pain to my heart
My uneasy mind now let’s you go
With the understanding that your
Soft words and smooth flow
Find other ears to softly caress
my body, a vessel, floating
alone
in the vast dark of the sea
and i wonder now
what will become of the broken
pieces of me
never in the darkness
have i dwelt so freely
and within that bleak freedom,
longing to find more
of me, I surrender
to the deep waves
with no breath left
inside my chest
i sink into the oblivion of my heart
to search out what it is
that ushers me
towards an unknown destiny
i am sorry for the pain behind your eyes;
hidden by the lines forged once by smiles…
i am sorry for the weight upon your chest;
a place i used to lay my head…
i am sorry for the push and pull of confusion
that has dragged you this way and that…
i am sorry that i cannot be
what you long for, what you need, what you deserve,
my failure is only outshined by my despair.
i just keep asking… how can i hurt one who has been so loving?
i am sorry my heart lies here broken
….by those who came before you…
they say that the gold that fills the cracks
of broken vases only makes them that
much more valuable…
would that I could be your gold,
and fill your broken places
with light…
alas, i am too dark to shine for you…
the SIBYL'S SONG 