Category: Poetry

tin can

i’m a tin can being kicked down the road
just wandering without direction
or purpose

I don’t even realize how far I’ve been moved
until i pick my head up and realize
i’ve no idea where i am anymore

no win win

~no win win~

There is no answer to this-
no win win
The die’s been cast and the last
person holding the hot potato loses…
Don’t know why it has come to this,
this incredible pain of recognition,
that all is lost…
That what was, truly is no longer,
and no amount of weeping will change
that reckoning for me

Would that i could release the past
and move with love into that uncertain future
But the hands that hold me to the present
are so strong that I cannot breathe,
none the less see…
So I remain stuck, still, waiting for your
grip upon my chest to lighten
so I can find release,
so that I can find a way free
from the pain and guilt that binds me

breath is but a luxury

~breath is but a luxury~

this flow is too much to manage today
it is growing, making its way up to my throat
and choking my voice
uncomfortably stoic, i remain seated
staring at a blank screen
waiting for words to emerge from
the depths of my heart-
anything to make this silence yet more comfortable
to bear

though I wait here in agony for relief
from the climbing anxiety within my heart
I know that i must not move
or blink
for without the quiet acknowledgment of this pain
i will not release it back into the air
from which it came…
and rid my body of the toxicity
that now runs like poison through my life

i give not into the pushing pulling instincts
within me to run and hide
or stay and fight…
to find the wonderful excitement of escape
from that which lies just beneath my surface…
i long to reach out to those who might
make me forget… lotus blossoms of courage…
an eater i wish to be… but then lost to the darkness…
I would forever be….

so i wait until this choking pain passes
leaving not peace, but quiet within my soul,
i ask not for that which i am not entitled…
peace is too much to ask, so i beg for
silence to grant my spirit a reprieve
from the conflagration of fire
that burns so fervently within me
leaving me gasping to breathe
…breath is but a luxury….

pure clarity

Pure clarity…
Now is the time for managing emotion-
for finding peace within the storm-
for not reacting to the pain;
such is this push and pull of life
that takes me from one extreme to the next- wildly…
Now is the time for quiet even during
the loudest of actions-
And solitude even while pain burns so brightly within the confines of my heart
that my skin is charred and blistered

Pure clarity…
Creates space to find the emptiness
that is required to weather
the heartache of this mess
and find the joy within my own heart
to keep moving forward in light.

this tempest

A mountain is unmoved
by even the wildest of storms

Let my heart be that mountain
And remain steadfast through
the tempest of emotion that ravages
my mind and body, enrapturing thought
And spirit.

Gail force winds of anger and guilt;
Shame and fear.. let them beat upon
My breast;
Imprisoning breath;
Until the tops of trees quiver with energy
And all that once was
Is replaced, returned and retraced

This steadfast heart of mine! Hold on
But a little longer through this tempest of
Whilst the nature of emotion
Runs through the gambit of fate
And all returns, not the same, but
Cleaner and more quiet.

feeds my soul

I give myself to the universe
and she responds…
Waves of electricity pulsate
like a circuit completed
or a cycle circled
and the love I receive
is acceptance for me
for the being I am
and not what I’m supposed to be…
So much to let go
if for but a moment, alone,
I push into the cosmic flow;
An act of ritualism
that feeds my soul

Unresolved emotions

~unresolved emotions~

Unresolved emotions bounce
within me like a pinball;
each ricochet more deafening
than the last

And I long to be rid of these feelings
of these uncontrollable bedfellows
that have made me
their unwitting, unwilling host

Each emotion, raw and tender
to touch, explores my body,
my mind and my heart
with distrust and longing

There’s no hiding from that
which lives within my heart-
clouding my vision of what’s to come
and blocking my way forward.

These bouncing pinballs of pain
cannot be ignored any more
than I can ignore breath or sleep…
or the misery that comes with knowing uncertainty.