The red hot embrace
Of anger’s cruel arms
Intertwine past and present
Until fact and fiction are but a blur of crimson
chaotically swirling around this head…
Bleeding heart, dripping silence onto the floor,
Lingers so hopeful- like a beaten dog
Like a loveless child
Until all that’s left of my red disease
Is hate and hell
And damnation
….Again
Author: Erin Touponse
reiki master/teacher, poet, spiritualist, child of the stars
born
wind carries old wounds
whipping around, enflamed…
worries spark like lightening,
dark clouds smell of shame,
guilt hangs heavy like thunder,
pain, but bound inside the rain…
I sit amidst this tempest
upon a glowing flower in bloom
spilling from my eyes are temples
within my palms, the moon…
dressed upon my chest, my heart,
cradled safety within my womb
upon a cross, i lay my form
in quiet solitude
unmoving, unflinching, all embracing
i dare to non conform
for at the interface of light and dark
my nothingness is born
mountain, solid
A cold breeze is blowing through the doorway to my heart.
Fires that were stirring have all gone out.
Numbly I sit and try to wait out the cold,
alone, not in control,
this universe is teaching me of patience through pain
and solidity- I am a mountain,
words that bind me to the depths of hell,
but where is the heaven to warm these hands and toes?
There’s nothing right now but suffering,
and though I try to fill the holes with love and gratitude,
this uncomfortable longing yet remains.
Must I squash it out?
Where?
Rape
Days after, you smiled at me-
After you told all your friends
How you’d bagged me;
You thought we’d still be friends…
And I smoked too much weed,
And let myself smile back;
Like a doll or a thing-
It was all so surreal, if I could just
Push down and pretend-
That you weren’t just ringing in my ear
Panic in my chest
Hate in my heart
Loathing on my breast
You thing! Who took from me that which was
Mine to give
You hateful thing smiling like you didn’t just take
And what of me? Of this sinking, blocking
Building…
Where did the screams go?
june dew
Rape
Summer darkness on my face
And dew clinging to my back;
Your body, heavy, in my space,
Left the world behind me-
Like a bolt of red light
You shot through my peace,
Devastating what was left of me-
And alone, my naked body walked
In circles, stammering like a broken record,
As submissive pee ran down my leg
Guilt
An old friend knocked at my door-
She was dressed in black,
A hood covered her face;
Long since hidden,
Long ago locked away,
Her unshackled banging
Upon my chest broke the silence;
She’s come back!
Covered in speckles of anger,
Pain painting her face,
This forgotten friend found me-
Tormented, yet unbroken, her smile
Liked of shame and ungentleness…
And what of the words I’d say?
Guilt, you always know where to find me,
Friend of many long years-
I wished you away….
Yet this nerve within me, exploded,
And you’ve spilled your vileness
Upon my doorstep yet again
nothing but night
Silence broken
Still waters uneasily ripple
As screams across the mountainside
Echo upon my soul-
These ears! So attuned to nothing
Bleed in despair
All is lost! She whispered
All is lost! As song birds silently
Smoke upon the grounding of her breast…
Nothing left, darkness swallows
Insatiable night, red stars twinkle now
Within this heart
As anger takes control
And sadness licks his lips in delight
And shame hides within the dusty corners
And guilt lies drunken and swollen
Oh dark night, leave this heart to suffer
Upon the doorstep of fear…
There’s nothing left of light
There’s nothing left of light
hidden inside
i found the door within my heart
and opened it…
words, without sound, ushered me
into this light filled space
and into the moment…
oh breath! you take me as a bride
on her wedding day-
your soft embrace, covers me
with a warm salve
assuaging my fears;
and as my body floats forward
a mirror glows, reflecting my soul…
in wonder and in praise i sigh,
for the love within this heart
is but a dim reminder of what remains
hidden inside…
Folds of time
i follow the wings of a butterfly
into the moment-
this future, born from what’s passed,
like soft embers glowing that
only present eyes can grasp…
and this heart! reckoning a thousand lifetimes, sweetly beats into mine,
as memories fall upon my breast;
a thousand hellos, as many goodbyes
we lose not what we keep,
within the immortal folds of time
Decay
Pain and Anger cling to each other;
as Guilt fuels Pain’s fire-
when the ashes spread,
so does the blaze;
eating through the foundations
leavind naught but hot dust
smelling of decay
the SIBYL'S SONG 