So much lies between
me and love
So many secrets that I keep
from myself
Barriers of self betrayal
line the rooms of my house
dividing any chance for sleep
for peace, for love to find me…
And though I cry out lost in
this maze of my own undoing
I am not strong enough to knock
it down
Tag: soullessons
sadness
I am sadness
bottled in an attractive wrapping,
manufactured by the highest pain,
handled with the least care…
and yet still you find me
filling and healing, and loving-
you! the salve of my misgivings,
sorrow and suffering…
you! who pick up my broken pieces
even after my shards make you bleed…
somehow you still find a reason
to protect and ingest all of me
lightening bugs
There are lights on the porch
across the street-
I can see them glowing outside my window,
softly,
reminding me of lightening bugs
I used to try to catch
as they flashed through
childhood summer evenings
Oh the cruelty of youth!
bottling up such wondrous bugs
so that they might lighten up
the darkened places within my soul-
Alas, nothing of that light remains
as I stare nostalgically
down and across the road
at electric lights that softly glow
residue
I tried to patch the hole
from which the slow leak
of my joy softly dripped….
But the tape didn’t seem
to want to hold
and I was left with the bitter
tannins that collected at the
bottom of my heart
Today was a desperate clawing
at restlessness
that would not subside
and there was nothing
left for me to find
but this lonely emptiness
that coated my heart
with residue
this lack
this lack that i feel in my soul
cannot be filled by you
though I have tried to pour
the sweet words of others into it
to see if that might hold
rather, this void, was created
long ago- a mere reflection
of a longing never filled,
a wound never healed,
a seed never sown…
and the more i hide, the more i know
that i am the one holding
the mirror against myself
fueling the hole, reminding me
that I am just not enough…
a ghost
I am so scared to show you
who I am-
I use smoke and mirrors
To keep you from seeing…
Believing that if you knew
what I really looked like
you might not really like what you see
So I hide from you, and I hide from me..
And these things in which I
run into,
Like distractions for my mind,
I dwell upon them to keep myself
otherwise occupied
The shame of it all
is that when you hold me close
I cannot feel your arms-
Because you’re holding a ghost…
I long for you to find what’s hidden underneath
but when I cannot even find myself
what’s there to love of me?
untangled
This push and pull
That governs my life
Is but the outer shell
Of a darkness that’s yet
To be faced
Until this darkness is converted
Into something else
I will continue to pull you close
And then push you away
It’s an unease that I cannot
Fathom.
So here I am trying to peel back
The layers of myself
To get to the center of my
Ancient pain
So I can be free to love
With my heart untangled.
night again
Thinking to close my eyes-
I’m so tired…
but my mind won’t fade;
Desperate to let it all
slowly melt from space,
yet here I linger
on the outskirts of time
Heavy thoughts carried by
weary arms make for a worn
and washed out soul…
alas, it’s night again, so here
I go… venturing into
thoughts, better left
locked away
spinning
My head is a top
That won’t stop spinning
As if gravity doesn’t matter at all
And it’s wearing a hole
Where it’s turning
Making my soul thin and dizzy
holy holy
Between the inhale and the exhale
Lies the holy holy
A silent elixir of eternity
Would that I linger in that quiet darkness
To find riddles answered
And my heart consumed
oh! but for a moment,
to reach such eternity
and breath as one with divine
the SIBYL'S SONG 