Tag: soullessons

Learning

Learning to shut doors, to shut thought,
To stop being right
And being quiet instead
Lessons in freedom
Releasing need for validation
For accolades
For worth
Anger residualized
Finds pain and hovers with it
Losing energy, dying away
Fear and incomprehension
I will miss this anger
For she has held me for so long

Betrayal

Betrayal, was like a fever within me
Always damp and lingering
A darkness that connected to my heart
And dampened sound until the
Mere act of beating was labored and silent
The fullness of this betrayal upon my heart
Crossed lifetimes, the fear so raw
The confusion eliminating all sight
And here now, attempting to heal now
I can at least see what has bound me so
To this pain, to this path
For in the forgiveness is the letting go
We must seek the truth to destroy illusion
We must see to understand
And I am no more that which took my breath
Than I am at all anything

Burning away

I have been lost, drifting in and out
Breathing when i can
Sinking when the waves take me under
Hoping for a better end
Hoping that I will see
My eyes have been blinded by pain
My hands kept busy from fear
My heart locked safely away
Until nothing remains but darkness
And screams
This mind, unholy, this breast
Taken by the remnants and echoes of what’s passed
And now I sit on the edge of what I thought I wanted
Realizing that I am no more than still trapped
This time inside another shiny doll
Still not my eyes
What will I do when they take me away?
What will I leave of me?
Release yourself from the pain
And embrace the fear I hear them say
But I am small and scared
So instead of running I linger by
And watch as all I love burns away

Journey to my foremothers

I was cold and I went down a dirty staircase
Coming up the other side I felt deary
Butterfly flew past me and birds
I wanted to find my grandmother
I wanted to understand how to heal
the relationship with my mom
Her mother was there
They showed me the unhappiness that lingered in the family
Grandmother senior had a cold and distant husband
And grandmother had an alcoholic
And mom had a cheater
And the anger that she felt
Shaped me, suffocated me
I was frightened and full of fear-
Collapsed under her dark cloud of anger

I understood that the pain she lived with lives with me too
The fear she felt from the cruelty of her parent’s toxicity
resides with me
And that I can heal my family line
By healing myself of this pain
My fore mothers are with me still
Shining a light even in darkness
Showing me another way

And it felt like popping and glowing
This release of energy, deep and profound
Healing- deep and releasing
I let go of old stored feelings trapped
Beneath… popping and dancing off my skin
And peace blossomed in the painful areas
As understanding shined through the darkness

Sway

The wind calls to me
Singing ancient tunes from far away
My heart hears the words,
Whispers of lifetimes past,
And she is exalted beyond the veil
To see, to feel, to be!
And the earth, she holds me in her womb
As the music plays and rustles
My heart, she sways
Rooted in and lost to the echoes
Of what was and remains still
Within the beating of this moment

A journey

I went down into the earth-
dug down and through
Emerging in a lake- rising in the air
Shaking and gyrating
Until the bear and fox caught me
Grandmother fire- making a rattle
Sitting like a tree, brown and withered
Grandmother earth- giving and smiling
Fire consumes flesh
As fear fades away
Handing me the rattle- passing passing
Smiling, sitting- brown like a tree stump
Brown like the earth I dug through
Don’t leave, though I will remain
As you go, you remain with me
Sound your rattle, uplift these ears
Enliven this heart
Stillness is the way.

Waking soul’s ode to energy

Fog, thick with sound and intention,
Wrapped full my head and eyes
Entered my breathe and became one with me-
As my heart cried out for more-
This glowing, found just through the gates
Of my heart,
And my fervent singing enlivened by
The flame of energy,
Rooted within day’s waking dream….
I am passionless and prostrate
To the sound of the eternal nothing I hear!
Wash away with me-
I will float upon your white crystals until
I am lost to the sea, I give myself
Over to the depth of what I do not see
Feelings burst through as raindrops fall
I am a walking soul bound to the mysteries
Of what is shown now to my heart