You once asked me
if my feelings fade
and I told you my heart,
unlike the moon,
doesn’t wax and wane
I am constant…
I know your heart
and it’s need for change
and it’s unrelenting search for
that which destiny
Ordains
….Unconditionally always was a tall order anyway…..
relationships work two ways-
and a dose of honesty
between us was all
I ever needed
and would have cherished
all my days.
Alas… though, now all that’s left is to fade away.
Looking back now
I realize I held on too long
to the illusion of you
instead of seeing your
bitterly cold reality
Smoke and mirrors-
that’s your heart
and your truth
and what you leave
behind in your wake…
I feel such morose pity
for you-
Empty, suffering, lost-
A compass that only points
in one direction…
I wish I knew , what I know
before I launched myself
into your heart;
a fire I will not
recover from quickly
There is just a sadness
That lingers on the flesh
Like dew
and it wont go away, or dry up
Or change into something new…
It just simply sits there
Moistly on my skin
Reminding me that I am
Not soft to touch
But slick and slimy…
And foul with painful sorrow
I lost another friend today
He was kind and funny
He was dark and morose
He was in love with our friend
For as long as I could tell
He fell into darkness..
I saw him when his collar bones
Stuck out so far from his neck
That they looked like skis
And his face bore the mark of death
I visited him by the beach
As he rid himself of the poison
That haunted his blood stream
And dreams.
I kissed him tenderly and cried
And tho I lost touch with him
He never left my heart
Or my memories
Of his laugh… or the goofy way he
Smiled
Find our friend now and kiss her
As you always longed to do
For she’s been passed over
Maybe waiting for you
My friend.
I held a baby robin in my
Hand yesterday
Trying to lift it back into its nest
It’s heart was beating, mouth open
So full of frailty and life;
I waited to see mom return
Twice more she fell out of her
Poorly constructed nest
and twice more I lifted her back
Yet when I awoke this morning
The nest was empty
And a little body lay upon the mulch
Sadness within that empty nest-
As I watch the robin mother
Lament her fallen child
And I think of those empty
And poorly constructed places within my heart
That cannot hold love
And I too grieve for the loss
That lies within me
For that is equally as sorrowful
I feel rather foolish
For holding on this long
And with this much force
There’s only so much leeway
The universe provides
Before it sees fit to intervene
All those things we *wish* for
Are but turns in the wheel of fate
….and nothing is permanent
To be so insistent
On a thing succeeding
Only breeds disharmony
There is no understanding-
This nature of fate and exacting karma
Acceptance is the only key
I wake up everyday
To thoughts of fresh starts
And though some things
Weigh upon my mind
Today I will try to keep
my heart
Light
And give thanks to the sun
And the air
And my breath
And to that which
I already have in this
Moment
It’s a game you play
With my heart
And it causes me great sadness
To the point that I am leaving
All this behind
I would rather spend a lifetime
Chasing dreams
Than another moment
Running after
Illusion
You are simply too much
For my heart to endure
There’s nothing more to be gained
By holding on
What was once forming
Now, like smoke, drifts in the air
And I would remain here, too,
Inhaling your divine incense-
sustaining thought and feeling-
But, that I know your truth…
Mirrors are never good liars
And I see your reflection
In my own minds eye;
Your smile brings pain to my heart
My uneasy mind now let’s you go
With the understanding that your
Soft words and smooth flow
Find other ears to softly caress
A black bird lay in my path
Stiff and empty
And all I can hear is the song
Of change ringing in my ear
A man with long nails
And a pinned black bird in his hat
Divined for me… yet more
crossing energies
Birds speak to me now
From spirit guides… making me see
That this darkened doorway
Is but a portal to a bigger me
Resonance of change binds
My heart and mind
In an unyielding
Spiral of noiseless singing
And these silent birds have come
To tell me to hold on just a little more-
For maturity of thought
Will find my heart before long
the SIBYL'S SONG 