Tag: pain

way to light

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The sorrow is dark and utter
As if you’re sinking into yourself
Your eyes fall inward and behind
And the light hides

Collapsing like a wave function
Your darkness is overtaking
And you’ve given up the back
That used to carry you through

I sense so little hope in your arms
As they settle at your sides
Your spirit hangs softly from your spine
Within the warmth of our embrace

Would that I could pull the sorrow
From your chest and swallow it
Whole, so as to be rid of this evil
And find love

Though you carry such pain
Your heart is but yours to heal
Though I try to provide comfort
Within yourself is the way to light

meditation this morning

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mother mary visited me riding
on the wave of a sneeze that
didn’t come…
and i was swimming in a purple
sea…
whispers of faith, echoing-
time and space but figments
in my mind
i am both lost and found
when i walk this line

burdens

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would that i could cry tears of pain
from my soul
just to release the heavy water
that hangs my heart so low….
i would line the sky with thunder clouds
to let the heavens roar
and rain pour down- until this
sorrow was released
from the very depths of me…
Oh to be a cloud that could just let go-
these burdens- how they haunt me so

nothing is the same

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swollen with the remnants of wine
from last night, this heavy head
moves through the morning slow
and uncertain
what was that you said? things aren’t
what they’ve seemed and your heart
isn’t as constant as you’ve led me to
believe…
the world is turning, and now i’m flipped
onto this aching head
left to make sense of all of this
while you quietly remove your heart
from the conversation…
fear invades the corners of my soul
i guess in the end i gave up control
nothing is the same anymore

cold

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cruel is not a strong enough word
for that which my heart finds
capable; some might call me
cold- though within this chest flows
something more than ice-
it’s an emptiness that cannot be
described…
and yet i try to love, i do, with the
limited warmth i have within me,
there’s just no loving a cool cool
darkness…. it’s like breathing in space
i would take your breathe away and then
explode your lungs into tiny slivers of
frozen stone
best to leave it alone…. i can’t even
stand myself.

ashamed

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this cold heart feels nothing-
hidden behind walls of shame
and disdain
it lingers only to see the suffering
that mirrors it’s own
and the disgust it feels for weakness
is only matched by the disgust
it feels for itself
there’s nothing to be gained
by trying to love a thing as cool
as death itself
it’s cruelty knows no end
for it matches that which it knows…
ashamed

rivers

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tears rolled down the mountain
cutting a way through trees and
debris
as if an unstoppable pain forged
these snaking rivers…
and the stars watched in disdain
as the birds sang in the distance

just an echo

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empty halls at dawn echo thoughts
back to my heart like a drum
pounding into place all that was
left behind…
sound bouncing off bare walls
these feelings that hover in the distant
places of my soul
would that i grab them in my hand
and within my palm hold them
close so as to understand how they
became just an echo

slow roam of memory

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slow roam of memory
floating on an endless sea
bobbing aimless and lonesome-
lost to the moonswept tides
and windy breeze
these wanderings
not empty but void of depth;
voiceless and lacking solvency

oh! that these small specks of remembrance
might swell into a vessel that might
bring back what’s lost to me!

adrift at sea
my heart cannot find
the hope that lies hidden
within the ramblings of forgotten time
and though I search the vestiges of
my mind to materialize what’s been lost
there’s no hiding the unseen loss
of this vacancy

fire of my eternity

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the afternoon sun warms my foot as
my heel bobs up and down,
uncomfortably,
memory finds its way forward-
past moving through time
slow like sludge…. so begrudgingly…

small bits of a puzzle fit together
to form a larger picture of me…
and yet, I hate this digging
into history; would that I remain
stuck here in present frame
to suffer in darkness than to shed
light onto such lunacy and pain…

yet- to survive into an unknown
future the puzzle must complete
and when it does- i will burn it-
releasing all that was stored into
the ether… oh to shed the skin of
what was and be reborn!

so I sit with my own hot past
shaking, biting and scratching memories
out of the darkness and into the light
so I can fit them together
and let them go into the fire of my
eternity…