Tag: pain

Journey to my foremothers

I was cold and I went down a dirty staircase
Coming up the other side I felt deary
Butterfly flew past me and birds
I wanted to find my grandmother
I wanted to understand how to heal
the relationship with my mom
Her mother was there
They showed me the unhappiness that lingered in the family
Grandmother senior had a cold and distant husband
And grandmother had an alcoholic
And mom had a cheater
And the anger that she felt
Shaped me, suffocated me
I was frightened and full of fear-
Collapsed under her dark cloud of anger

I understood that the pain she lived with lives with me too
The fear she felt from the cruelty of her parent’s toxicity
resides with me
And that I can heal my family line
By healing myself of this pain
My fore mothers are with me still
Shining a light even in darkness
Showing me another way

And it felt like popping and glowing
This release of energy, deep and profound
Healing- deep and releasing
I let go of old stored feelings trapped
Beneath… popping and dancing off my skin
And peace blossomed in the painful areas
As understanding shined through the darkness

Lifetimes merging

Through the looking glass
I saw her
Smiling at me
Bright eyes
Indifferent and longing
But she was a water sign
Gentler and less resolute
Feelings made of glass
And anger that could cut you
She had a circus crown upon her head
And stars in her eyes
Her smile ran through me
And I knew then that we were one
The energy of knowing
Melted lifetimes into one
For a brief moment I felt she saw me too

Show you peace

This energy that opens is furry
And fuzzy and light as mist
It takes me humming into a more
Real system than I have seen
Buzzing through me I see
With glowing eyes colors and transpondents
Watch the waxy covering peel away
And what remains is steadfast

Clarity exists within the folds of what was
And what is to be
Light energy
Washing away with silver droplets of glowing
Water, slowly caressing skin as a river
To the bolder
Show me the way to this salvation
And I will show you peace

A journey

I went down into the earth-
dug down and through
Emerging in a lake- rising in the air
Shaking and gyrating
Until the bear and fox caught me
Grandmother fire- making a rattle
Sitting like a tree, brown and withered
Grandmother earth- giving and smiling
Fire consumes flesh
As fear fades away
Handing me the rattle- passing passing
Smiling, sitting- brown like a tree stump
Brown like the earth I dug through
Don’t leave, though I will remain
As you go, you remain with me
Sound your rattle, uplift these ears
Enliven this heart
Stillness is the way.

Rage’s head

Seething anger armed with unfair
Words; falling upon me like fists
Aimed at that which I dare not see
I am done with this
Red and burning heat
Firing upon my face and hands
Until truth can no longer be seen
I’ve not felt this rage for so long
Thought maybe it was gone
But here you stand, raised voices again
And nothing left of me

Unrest

unrest, wanderlust, disease
thoughts of fleeing, urges deep
my yearning to run from myself
sits heavily in the folds of my eyes
vision blurred, blurring yet more
each moment a longing filled with grief
what change can capture my mind
what can still this need
crying out inside
this pitiless desire grips me
so i can no longer breathe
yet, still, i sit and wait for what’s mine
to return and fill the void, quiet the need

Beast

There is nothing my soul wants more
Than to find peace
Though peace, comes with a price-
Grand and precious
My heart is unfolding from the origami
Shape I had secured it into
And now flat out and bare
I can read the lines that were written
Upon it
Oh lack! You silly friend… you come to remind me
What I don’t have
While my blessings circle overhead
Singing sweet songs
Just look up! Why would you keep your eyes
Glued to a purpose no longer your own?
Oh Day! You challenge me to breathe into
These changes with grace and love
How I dislike your direction
How I would linger within the stillness
Of my own ignorance instead!
Yet my breath, still flows in and out
And I am but a walking beast
Attempting to fly