Tag: pain

Not Enough

Fear clings to me
This damp shade of doubt
That lines my thoughts and actions
Blurring the edges of my vision
Until there is nothing left to hold
This fear echoes
I am not good enough
Thin enough
Smart enough
Gifted enough
To follow my dreams and wishes
Oh how life lingers so
Waiting for me to come clean
Of this damp and clinging darkness

Claim myself again

My heart is dripping-
Drop after drop, just spilling
Pain and wonder onto the floor
At my feet…
Where has joy run to?
Hope is but a four legged fool
Running ragged amidst the spring flowers-
And what of me? This spilling, drip-drop,
Keeps me up at night….
In darkness I wander,
In darkness I cry, alone,
wondering why
The light is gone from my eyes
And the breath from each beat
Of my heart
Spilling more onto my legs, my feet,
Down these eyes
Until I cannot take anymore…
But each day, the sun will rise, I suppose,
In spite of me-
And I will greet the day
Wet with the night, with tears from
This heart of mine
Until I can claim myself again

Darkness

Heaviness sits upon my chest,
This breast, difficult to breathe,
Like darkness is washing over-
Deep waters drown out my certainty-
This suffering lingers yet, loudly sobbing,
Tears, too tired to fall, simply whimper
Within the folds of my eyes
And my mind, this crazy bitch of a mind,
Growls at the night
Howls at Fate’s perceived cruelty
As I try to find the light that would end
This darkness within me
Lo that I could remain a mountain
Beside the torrents of my mind
And the whipping winds that scream my name

Blue

Quiet blue lingers between us-
Disappointed blue; masking all the pain-
A sea of aching blue;
Without words the suffering calls my name….
Latching my breast, suckling joy and light-
Feeding, hungry, so malnourished….
This hated blue: steel, cold, beckoning-
Holds me, and locks me in…
There’s no breath to be found
….Or light-
You’re endless blue is calling me
Your head sinking as your arm comes up
For help
Would that I could save you
And me
From this suffocating blue-
But you’re swimming in your own ocean
And I am but a small speck upon
A distant shore

Concession

Within the darkness of my heart
I heed the words, whispered
So lightly, so quietly-
Calming, and stopping and deep;
Expanding into green and blue
My eyes wander through folds
Of time and space
Searching for those answers
That elude the waking self..
Would that I could lose myself
To the changing tides, rolling in and out;
To the spring wind, releasing hidden flowers;
To the darkness that could take me
Elevate me, joining me to divine..
Such that i am, mortal yet, in this life
I linger just on the edges of this divide
Hungry for concession

Surrender

The sitting was so natural
Me and the stars & darkness-
Like two friends,
Whispering in the summer evening air,
Secrets spilled from starry lips
As we sat, upon the curb,
So quietly, so intimately….
You showed me the truth of time
And I smiled, inside a flutter,
My chest beating and full of fear-
Just over and behind
Lay a countenance I remember
As time surrendered
To the salty air-
Remain for me, I’ve no one else
To guide me…
As I merge over and over…
And finally surrender…
Save no pity for me

This swell

Emotion’s swell took me under
Many lifetimes ago-
My body fighting, grasping,
Longing for breath
From the thick roiling waters
Into which I fell…
Ladders of light falling from
My heart, releasing whispers
Of things I’d already known;
Thru this light my eyes followed
Until my body arrived back in
This space and time,
Clinging to the calling of the
Water that drowned my soul-
I’m heading now up the mountain,
My head attached to the moment
As it flows