Tag: pain

Unrest

unrest, wanderlust, disease
thoughts of fleeing, urges deep
my yearning to run from myself
sits heavily in the folds of my eyes
vision blurred, blurring yet more
each moment a longing filled with grief
what change can capture my mind
what can still this need
crying out inside
this pitiless desire grips me
so i can no longer breathe
yet, still, i sit and wait for what’s mine
to return and fill the void, quiet the need

Beast

There is nothing my soul wants more
Than to find peace
Though peace, comes with a price-
Grand and precious
My heart is unfolding from the origami
Shape I had secured it into
And now flat out and bare
I can read the lines that were written
Upon it
Oh lack! You silly friend… you come to remind me
What I don’t have
While my blessings circle overhead
Singing sweet songs
Just look up! Why would you keep your eyes
Glued to a purpose no longer your own?
Oh Day! You challenge me to breathe into
These changes with grace and love
How I dislike your direction
How I would linger within the stillness
Of my own ignorance instead!
Yet my breath, still flows in and out
And I am but a walking beast
Attempting to fly

Not Enough

Fear clings to me
This damp shade of doubt
That lines my thoughts and actions
Blurring the edges of my vision
Until there is nothing left to hold
This fear echoes
I am not good enough
Thin enough
Smart enough
Gifted enough
To follow my dreams and wishes
Oh how life lingers so
Waiting for me to come clean
Of this damp and clinging darkness

Claim myself again

My heart is dripping-
Drop after drop, just spilling
Pain and wonder onto the floor
At my feet…
Where has joy run to?
Hope is but a four legged fool
Running ragged amidst the spring flowers-
And what of me? This spilling, drip-drop,
Keeps me up at night….
In darkness I wander,
In darkness I cry, alone,
wondering why
The light is gone from my eyes
And the breath from each beat
Of my heart
Spilling more onto my legs, my feet,
Down these eyes
Until I cannot take anymore…
But each day, the sun will rise, I suppose,
In spite of me-
And I will greet the day
Wet with the night, with tears from
This heart of mine
Until I can claim myself again

Darkness

Heaviness sits upon my chest,
This breast, difficult to breathe,
Like darkness is washing over-
Deep waters drown out my certainty-
This suffering lingers yet, loudly sobbing,
Tears, too tired to fall, simply whimper
Within the folds of my eyes
And my mind, this crazy bitch of a mind,
Growls at the night
Howls at Fate’s perceived cruelty
As I try to find the light that would end
This darkness within me
Lo that I could remain a mountain
Beside the torrents of my mind
And the whipping winds that scream my name

Blue

Quiet blue lingers between us-
Disappointed blue; masking all the pain-
A sea of aching blue;
Without words the suffering calls my name….
Latching my breast, suckling joy and light-
Feeding, hungry, so malnourished….
This hated blue: steel, cold, beckoning-
Holds me, and locks me in…
There’s no breath to be found
….Or light-
You’re endless blue is calling me
Your head sinking as your arm comes up
For help
Would that I could save you
And me
From this suffocating blue-
But you’re swimming in your own ocean
And I am but a small speck upon
A distant shore

Concession

Within the darkness of my heart
I heed the words, whispered
So lightly, so quietly-
Calming, and stopping and deep;
Expanding into green and blue
My eyes wander through folds
Of time and space
Searching for those answers
That elude the waking self..
Would that I could lose myself
To the changing tides, rolling in and out;
To the spring wind, releasing hidden flowers;
To the darkness that could take me
Elevate me, joining me to divine..
Such that i am, mortal yet, in this life
I linger just on the edges of this divide
Hungry for concession