This insufferable lack of ease
Spinning in my mind
And over my face; jaw locked tight
Anger just below ready to ignite
All masking this despair I feel
This darkness of inadequacy
This hatred of self
My body sits so tightly
Expecting attack
Ready to advance upon my own heart
What can be done in the face of such energy?
Yet still, I wait for the storms to pass
I linger with the ever explosive-
Inside the darkness I am quietly waiting
For the sun to shine
So I can bury my dead and heal my injured
And smile once again
Tag: nature
in the shadows
in the shadows of this thing
my heart sits still
beating, waiting, watching
singing through the waves
that flow now
fear, anger, pain, doubt
vibrations of love, embracing them all
soothing the sore and troubled spots
until my voice gives way to light
and I can speak again
in the shadows of this being
this uncontrollable urge and shift
my mind waits, covered in compassion
and faith in understanding
and in the shadows of this time
my spirit has found wings
bright, lithe and full of new hope
the coming of change rings upon
soft bells of wondering
and all that we have come to know
torn down by what simply IS
kristy
I dreamt of her again, my old friend
she was like she had always been
careful, mysterious
she comes to me sometimes from beyond
never with a thing to say
but always with intent
I am searching now for answers
that line her quiet mouth
her curly hair
all is changing, lost now upon the
rocks of time
we flow into an unknown
and she, with me, in dream
showing me how lost I have become
how lonesome this path
and how far i have walked
the veils are lifting yet more
opening doors into the darkness of soul
I remain captive yet, inside this mind
waiting for truth to be revealed
Timelessness of being
memories are echoes that live
inside the mind
poking and prodding at the present
needy and selfish…
my dreams swim within the vast sea
of time; past present and future
bits of one tune, sung over and over
until my heart finally hears its entirety-
I’ve looked for you, for so long now
my dearest beloved self
my dearest and closest lover
i hold my breath and swim for hours on end
hoping to catch a glimpse of your beauty
to touch your vibration
and merge with it
yet, trapped still, within this form
within this construct of the now
i am forced to sit and find peace instead
perhaps when i awaken from this dream
my heart will understand
that you’ve been here, all along
memory and echo hold no sway
within the timelessness of being
But a tune
the light is returning, though within me
the lingering darkness yet gives way
deep within the basement of my being
lies traumas and truths
i linger with them, finger them, try to love them
yet there is no embrace that will salve
the throbbing loss that exists yet-
my heart, given over to the shadows
of threat and dis-ease
steadily remains unfazed
like liquid with a soul, she flows…
yet above her, sitting in wait
watching the sky shift colors
and the moon dance within her growing
shrinking, changing nature
I realize that i am but a tune in this song,
i am but a word, blown across this plane
waiting to rejoin what i remember before
the suffering took hold in darkness
and my body retreated to the void
of simply being human….
Droplets fall
It’s a slow drip
This heart of mine
Slowly methodically drip drip drip
I hear it within me, leaking
This heart! A leaking ship!
My hands rush to catch the droplets
And pull back in disgust
A symphony of running, catching, wasting
Washing; echoes seeping, dripping
Dropping-
My mind a-flutter with madness
Tapping memories of pains long passed
Still this drip, cleanse the soul!
And yet I sit, waiting still
For the next droplet from my heart
to gently fall
Golden gods
golden gods, statue standing upon sky
what would you have done?
would you use my opening heart
for foolish play, as you have countless times before?
would you lay my body down, to do what you may
and then vanish again into night’s cold embrace?
golden gods, watching this play unfold
would you linger within me for a time
to taste my sweet endeavors?
you! who are lost upon the sands of a time
once so fresh and new
but now nothing but a ruin upon the mountain side-
and i, searching now for remnants of what
might have been would you have ascended
this heart beyond foolhardy deeds,
will simply decide to walk away
for your apathy wears not upon my soul
Folds of time
Let loose your grip
And everything will fall into place
Rest resides within
Fear feeds upon the wicked
As raindrops fall upon anointed heads
It will all come crashing down
In a thunderous boom
Nowhere left to hide
We stand before truth
Uncovered and vulnerable
Naked of all but balance
Where does the dim light hide?
Deeds are not forsaken
But energy in the folds of time
Lost today
The world looks cloudy today
My eyes cannot see the ground
A blanket of grey fear covers the sun
And anger returns after a long absence-
Words and echoes fill my head
Until I cannot speak or think
The sounds of severe faces, screaming
Whip around; leaves caught in the wind-
I shine my light, small that it is
Into the void and storm
Searching for survivors, my guides
Fly beside me, wolf and hawk as feathers fall
Lost, I lament, all feels lost today
A small king
I am but a very small king, standing upon a very tall wall
My heart, aflutter with hope and fear
as I look out into what is now a new landscape
what lingers within the branches of that great forest?
what awaits me once i figure out how to climb down?
what rope will foster me as i descend?
how will i know to keep my golden crown in place-
so small am i now, peering upon the land of my ancestors
death and disease hold no sway
as birds fly above me, large and imposing
I am but a tiny speck upon this growing land
my voice, a miniature song waiting to be replayed
and as i give my heart over to the abundance
upon which my eyes now feast,
I am reminded of this ending, now a beginning
where I might finally see my own face
the SIBYL'S SONG 