Tag: lettinggo

lost myself

I wanted you to stop,
I wanted to scream it,
But my words got stuck in my chest
And just spun around there
In fury and in darkness,
Like a wound I couldn’t heal,
A scab I couldn’t pick-
This itch that screamed in pain
For lack
Making me sick…
It boiled over, blasting red hot rage
All over my breast
Lack of breath-
Stunted I sat enraged by this lack,
This hole,
This nagging pain with no voice,
Until it ate away at my soul,
Until there was nothing left of my joy
But remnants of your explosion…
I wanted you to stop
To scream it from the depths of my heart-
But my voice carried no wave
And I lost myself to the pain

Where?

Rape
Days after, you smiled at me-
After you told all your friends
How you’d bagged me;
You thought we’d still be friends…
And I smoked too much weed,
And let myself smile back;
Like a doll or a thing-
It was all so surreal, if I could just
Push down and pretend-
That you weren’t just ringing in my ear
Panic in my chest
Hate in my heart
Loathing on my breast
You thing! Who took from me that which was
Mine to give
You hateful thing smiling like you didn’t just take
And what of me? Of this sinking, blocking
Building…
Where did the screams go?

june dew

Rape
Summer darkness on my face
And dew clinging to my back;
Your body, heavy, in my space,
Left the world behind me-
Like a bolt of red light
You shot through my peace,
Devastating what was left of me-
And alone, my naked body walked
In circles, stammering like a broken record,
As submissive pee ran down my leg

Wildflowers

Closets that were locked are opened
And the contents held within
Have spilled upon my soul…
Dark echoes swirl with hunger
Around my head and heart-
So long deprived of open air,
So long pushed into the corners
And forgotten-
They grow in pitch until the fire that
Lit them slowly finds the will
To let go and just smoke-
Filling my soul with cleansing incense;
The holes that were left so long ago
Are now covering over
As wildflowers begin to grow

The coming of the winter solstice

Longest day approaches
And the pregnant sky prepares
For the birth of another sun-
Holy is the coming of light!
And the moon, full in her power,
Comforts the pain of new beginnings;
What is to come now that the darkness
Is pushed aside once again?
And what lingers in the shadows yet?
All is love as we find the new awakening
Of a new year
Heart and mind as one-
Between the inhale and the exhale;
The death and birth of change;
We grow inside this interface
And sing the ancient songs of praise.

Wings of love

Standing again at the edge,
Peering into an abyss that echoes
Hundreds of lifetimes
Of songs and faith and fear…
And now that my toes curl upon the
Rough edge of a destiny that must
Include a leap of faith
I falter not
For all that’s been, remains true
And all that is yet to come,
Is mine, save my heart remain,
And my nerves still,
And these wings I’ve built upon the
Sweat of my pain
Open in a steady beat of unconditional
Love

The other side

Whirlwind of pain and anxiety
Storm through this heart of mine
Dread and fatigue banish
Happiness as anger
Replaces the dawn with more
Red darkness
Alone and left without a shoulder
To lean my weary head upon
I sigh at the very thought of moving
In any direction
Save into more pain and despair
There’s nothing left to hold onto
As illusions of fate wash away
All that remains are shattered ruins
Of hopes and dreams and plans
While I await whatever decidedly
Waits for me now on the other side
Of all things