Tag: lettinggo

A darker foil

It’s been so long since I’ve been without
this knot in my throat and this dread in my mind…
Black, menacing, waiting,
Just sitting there reminding me that Anger is close by:
Feeling me, urging me closer to it,
so that I cannot speak or hear or cry….
This bloody clot that won’t move,
binding my voice with something
stronger than magic…

Suffocating! My heart yearns for the open air and the sun-
Within darkness my being has sunken,
and within Anger’s cage I dwell now-
Lost amidst fear, and confused joy;
Wandering in the darkness- blind and feverish,
My words act out without wisdom or thought,
but in defense of a darker foil….
I am the mistaken soul who sunk willingly
into Anger’s dreadful water-
And drowning now my heart cries for
breathe and air.

lost myself

I wanted you to stop,
I wanted to scream it,
But my words got stuck in my chest
And just spun around there
In fury and in darkness,
Like a wound I couldn’t heal,
A scab I couldn’t pick-
This itch that screamed in pain
For lack
Making me sick…
It boiled over, blasting red hot rage
All over my breast
Lack of breath-
Stunted I sat enraged by this lack,
This hole,
This nagging pain with no voice,
Until it ate away at my soul,
Until there was nothing left of my joy
But remnants of your explosion…
I wanted you to stop
To scream it from the depths of my heart-
But my voice carried no wave
And I lost myself to the pain

Where?

Rape
Days after, you smiled at me-
After you told all your friends
How you’d bagged me;
You thought we’d still be friends…
And I smoked too much weed,
And let myself smile back;
Like a doll or a thing-
It was all so surreal, if I could just
Push down and pretend-
That you weren’t just ringing in my ear
Panic in my chest
Hate in my heart
Loathing on my breast
You thing! Who took from me that which was
Mine to give
You hateful thing smiling like you didn’t just take
And what of me? Of this sinking, blocking
Building…
Where did the screams go?

june dew

Rape
Summer darkness on my face
And dew clinging to my back;
Your body, heavy, in my space,
Left the world behind me-
Like a bolt of red light
You shot through my peace,
Devastating what was left of me-
And alone, my naked body walked
In circles, stammering like a broken record,
As submissive pee ran down my leg

Wildflowers

Closets that were locked are opened
And the contents held within
Have spilled upon my soul…
Dark echoes swirl with hunger
Around my head and heart-
So long deprived of open air,
So long pushed into the corners
And forgotten-
They grow in pitch until the fire that
Lit them slowly finds the will
To let go and just smoke-
Filling my soul with cleansing incense;
The holes that were left so long ago
Are now covering over
As wildflowers begin to grow

The coming of the winter solstice

Longest day approaches
And the pregnant sky prepares
For the birth of another sun-
Holy is the coming of light!
And the moon, full in her power,
Comforts the pain of new beginnings;
What is to come now that the darkness
Is pushed aside once again?
And what lingers in the shadows yet?
All is love as we find the new awakening
Of a new year
Heart and mind as one-
Between the inhale and the exhale;
The death and birth of change;
We grow inside this interface
And sing the ancient songs of praise.

Wings of love

Standing again at the edge,
Peering into an abyss that echoes
Hundreds of lifetimes
Of songs and faith and fear…
And now that my toes curl upon the
Rough edge of a destiny that must
Include a leap of faith
I falter not
For all that’s been, remains true
And all that is yet to come,
Is mine, save my heart remain,
And my nerves still,
And these wings I’ve built upon the
Sweat of my pain
Open in a steady beat of unconditional
Love