This insufferable lack of ease
Spinning in my mind
And over my face; jaw locked tight
Anger just below ready to ignite
All masking this despair I feel
This darkness of inadequacy
This hatred of self
My body sits so tightly
Expecting attack
Ready to advance upon my own heart
What can be done in the face of such energy?
Yet still, I wait for the storms to pass
I linger with the ever explosive-
Inside the darkness I am quietly waiting
For the sun to shine
So I can bury my dead and heal my injured
And smile once again
Tag: inspiration
Dissolve away
This body is sick with fear
And covered in anger
Red glowing embers reach into nostril
Choking down thought and throat
I am captive of it
Their rebellion of body and emotion
My teeth grind
I sit here and watch the horror
Of green and red explosions
They even took hold in my back
Setting camp by a shoulder blade
Such destruction they lay-
I remember to relax my grinding teeth
And tell myself it’s okay
All things dissipate in time
So I will not fight the pain, the dissension
With more pain and control
But rather I will look upon this body with love
And wait for the tantrum to lose strength
And dissolve away
in the shadows
in the shadows of this thing
my heart sits still
beating, waiting, watching
singing through the waves
that flow now
fear, anger, pain, doubt
vibrations of love, embracing them all
soothing the sore and troubled spots
until my voice gives way to light
and I can speak again
in the shadows of this being
this uncontrollable urge and shift
my mind waits, covered in compassion
and faith in understanding
and in the shadows of this time
my spirit has found wings
bright, lithe and full of new hope
the coming of change rings upon
soft bells of wondering
and all that we have come to know
torn down by what simply IS
Tea
Fear and anger knocked at my door
I wanted to run and hide
Bolt the locks and pretend I wasn’t home
But i let them in
And poured some tea
The tales they wept
They spun such misery,
Hovering around my table,
And I was overcome by fear-
She was green and smelled of bile
Gagging, I listened to her
Anger surged at my restraint
And tried to burn me
Still I sat, spellbound and torn
Until all that was left was silence-
And they retreated back outside
Timelessness of being
memories are echoes that live
inside the mind
poking and prodding at the present
needy and selfish…
my dreams swim within the vast sea
of time; past present and future
bits of one tune, sung over and over
until my heart finally hears its entirety-
I’ve looked for you, for so long now
my dearest beloved self
my dearest and closest lover
i hold my breath and swim for hours on end
hoping to catch a glimpse of your beauty
to touch your vibration
and merge with it
yet, trapped still, within this form
within this construct of the now
i am forced to sit and find peace instead
perhaps when i awaken from this dream
my heart will understand
that you’ve been here, all along
memory and echo hold no sway
within the timelessness of being
But a tune
the light is returning, though within me
the lingering darkness yet gives way
deep within the basement of my being
lies traumas and truths
i linger with them, finger them, try to love them
yet there is no embrace that will salve
the throbbing loss that exists yet-
my heart, given over to the shadows
of threat and dis-ease
steadily remains unfazed
like liquid with a soul, she flows…
yet above her, sitting in wait
watching the sky shift colors
and the moon dance within her growing
shrinking, changing nature
I realize that i am but a tune in this song,
i am but a word, blown across this plane
waiting to rejoin what i remember before
the suffering took hold in darkness
and my body retreated to the void
of simply being human….
suckling
floating dreams; images circling
clearing paths of truth and communion
heart and mind at odds with deeper understanding
what will come when they wash away these stains?
what will replace this longing?
this voice, quieted by the lies that choke it,
and dependence on a splitting of self
two sides of a being, tearing itself to get over
and conquer
what will come when the light strips bare
all that has hidden inside the shadows?
what monster lingers inside darkness?
my heart is being eaten by itself
urging me to devour myself
over and over again
oh, exacting history be damned now, your
traumas can not hold you anymore
you are naked now and I will suckle you
until you slowly drift from my being
and return to where you can do no more harm
Droplets fall
It’s a slow drip
This heart of mine
Slowly methodically drip drip drip
I hear it within me, leaking
This heart! A leaking ship!
My hands rush to catch the droplets
And pull back in disgust
A symphony of running, catching, wasting
Washing; echoes seeping, dripping
Dropping-
My mind a-flutter with madness
Tapping memories of pains long passed
Still this drip, cleanse the soul!
And yet I sit, waiting still
For the next droplet from my heart
to gently fall
Golden gods
golden gods, statue standing upon sky
what would you have done?
would you use my opening heart
for foolish play, as you have countless times before?
would you lay my body down, to do what you may
and then vanish again into night’s cold embrace?
golden gods, watching this play unfold
would you linger within me for a time
to taste my sweet endeavors?
you! who are lost upon the sands of a time
once so fresh and new
but now nothing but a ruin upon the mountain side-
and i, searching now for remnants of what
might have been would you have ascended
this heart beyond foolhardy deeds,
will simply decide to walk away
for your apathy wears not upon my soul
innocence
my heart sits by the door
waiting to be invited inside
she licks her wounds, pain and pleasure
swirling inside like a tyrant, a storm
this tempest that rages within the quiet
of her inner chambers
longingful darkness settles
as echoes whisper to her that she is lacking
that she is used up, that she is simple
he dipped his hand into her breast
his fingers moving, and dancing inside her
hate and pain, poisoning each beat and breath
confusioned mixture, an elixir of pleasure
tinging her outer limit with hate
i have watched this heart of mine for too long
suffering at the doorstep of my home
ive begged her to come inside
yet still she sits, waiting to be forgiven
for the pain she played as they groped innocence
from her giving fingers
the SIBYL'S SONG 