alone, with just this downpour of
thought- and thunder! breaking the sky!
i am silent and hopeful, as i try to
remain untouched by the rain that falls
in sheets so heavily upon my mind…
and though the violence of this storm
is blinding, i am ready to cleanse the
heart of that which it has long denied!
deny today, i will not, yet find that which
is more useful to my heart, a cleansing touch
of acid rain to rid this chest of
all that was left behind…
these thoughts of you! may they drown
upon the puddles of my spirit
collected within my mind’s eye…
as the thunder clouds that grow within me
clear your essence from my memory
in a most violent and exquisite way
Tag: childhood memories
vile hold
darkened squalor-
criss crossed and dirty;
these walls are lined
with your filth,
with your hatred and pain…
what can cure a heart of such
wretchedness-
of such unsanitary condition-
when you locked the door so long ago
and ate the key in your selfishness?
now bloated and rotting this chest
of mine waits for some divine
locksmith to find me
hiding within the stench
of your hatred
to release the vile hold
your disease has had over me
prison of heart
moments hang grossly upon the
thick and humid air,
memories
coded in sounds that dangle
furtively in front of me….
would that my fingers could pluck
these remembrances out of the ether
and objectively turn them
around and around
in my hand
until I could exact the last from them
and finally let them go…
alas, the night doesn’t allow for sleep
and the noise that plays
within my heart, taunting me,
escapes my grasp-
So I wait on the very edge of thought
For release
From the prison
that houses my heart
just an echo
empty halls at dawn echo thoughts
back to my heart like a drum
pounding into place all that was
left behind…
sound bouncing off bare walls
these feelings that hover in the distant
places of my soul
would that i grab them in my hand
and within my palm hold them
close so as to understand how they
became just an echo
slow roam of memory
slow roam of memory
floating on an endless sea
bobbing aimless and lonesome-
lost to the moonswept tides
and windy breeze
these wanderings
not empty but void of depth;
voiceless and lacking solvency
oh! that these small specks of remembrance
might swell into a vessel that might
bring back what’s lost to me!
adrift at sea
my heart cannot find
the hope that lies hidden
within the ramblings of forgotten time
and though I search the vestiges of
my mind to materialize what’s been lost
there’s no hiding the unseen loss
of this vacancy
fire of my eternity
the afternoon sun warms my foot as
my heel bobs up and down,
uncomfortably,
memory finds its way forward-
past moving through time
slow like sludge…. so begrudgingly…
small bits of a puzzle fit together
to form a larger picture of me…
and yet, I hate this digging
into history; would that I remain
stuck here in present frame
to suffer in darkness than to shed
light onto such lunacy and pain…
yet- to survive into an unknown
future the puzzle must complete
and when it does- i will burn it-
releasing all that was stored into
the ether… oh to shed the skin of
what was and be reborn!
so I sit with my own hot past
shaking, biting and scratching memories
out of the darkness and into the light
so I can fit them together
and let them go into the fire of my
eternity…
day of reckoning
there is nothing left to give
of myself… utterly drained
and driven to distraction
i wish it were not today
this day of reckoning that comes
with such brutal constancy
for my heart is tired
and my mind is spinning
and my soul feels worn like
a flag left out too many winters…
this heat is draining any remnant
of sanity that i may still possess
and still… i will go to this destiny
as appointed, to relive the pain that
resides within the hidden closets
of my memory
overgrown
it’s just an emptiness that fills
the broken space within
darkness takes root in the cracks
and grows strong
soon these weeds will overrun
my garden
leaving no space for purple balloons
or forgetmenots
for low riding phlox or baskets of gold…
and i lack the strength to continue pulling
grasping at the never-ending tend
for the darkness is rooted within
so deeply that there is no
shovel that could dig out these roots
of overgrown memory
one step at a time
i am so scared
of finally learning the truth
of what lies inside me;
these memories fail-
recall doesn’t work and I try.
the mystery of my heart
it’s eating me up inside
i’m hiding like a child-
stuck in a closet with no door-
this maze of forgiveness…
hallways of my childhood
dark and scary, I run
and close my eyes…
anger blocks the way forward
still I try… one step at a time
back to you
obsessive and unnatural-
the curves of thought
spiraling into dirty depths
of diseased memory, that link
back to you
dark and twisted passion, engraved
by a tortured tool, remain etched
within the walls of souls-
writing that predates first breath
and solvency
and these violent acts of love,
tied forever back to your touch,
remain within twisted fingers
bound by string- always
leading back to you
the SIBYL'S SONG 