i dreamt of a blue and purple buddha-
with a slight smile upon his face,
and i wondered as i lay awake
what he might know, that i do not,
about my destiny…
the stars seem so misaligned,
i’m missing signs, like leaves
upon a stream, I drift aimlessly
towards some unknown sea…
and i hold no hope that the world
might reveal the path
my feet are meant to follow
as i slowly make my way home
drunken now with sorrow.
My guilt at not being more
grows steadily within-
and the harder you try to
show me your love
the farther I retreat into
my homemade prison…
Don’t you know that I cannot
bear thoughts of sweet nothings
whispered softly in my ear?
How can I possibly hear your wanderings
above the dull roar of disease
within my head?
what is this blindness that keeps
me from seeing the happy ending
right in front of me?
what is this longing that dissuades
the wanderlust of my spirit
from finding peace?
i am but a vessel of emotion,
filled with unquenchable yearning…
how you can love or trust a thing
so varied, so caught up in the wind,
that my heart, if it were to grow
wings, might fly away from this cage
and into eternity?
swirling dark clouds filled
with emotional acid rain
raged within me
for what seemed like days…
it started as a thunder storm
and increased in strength
until my heart was lifted from my chest
and launched into the ether
of my mind…
i have looked, but still can’t find,
where the remnants of my heart
remain- tossed about on
love’s bitter wind, broken by the
storms within, i hold no hope
that any joy survived…
a shattering of love’s sweet grace
such emptiness that
now remains…
a missing seam, pulled thread,
unraveling of my heart’s hem;
and emotions now! left to pour out
into the pockets of my soul,
weighing down all signs of hope…
would that I hide from these feelings
that rot my chest with remembering-
a slow drip of lost thoughts
falling from my unhinged heart
into steady and certain decay
the sliver of sunshine that i can see
from the window pane of my heart
keeps me striving to move forward
in hopes that maybe someday
I will see just a little more…
that maybe someday i will taste
the spring air that flows
through the open fields
just beyond the threshold of my door
I am sadness
bottled in an attractive wrapping,
manufactured by the highest pain,
handled with the least care…
and yet still you find me
filling and healing, and loving-
you! the salve of my misgivings,
sorrow and suffering…
you! who pick up my broken pieces
even after my shards make you bleed…
somehow you still find a reason
to protect and ingest all of me
i love you with a million miles
of sunshine on my lips…
my hips, but fallen rainbows
for your heart to slide within-
my eyes, golden orbs of light,
to reflect your energy,
my heart an endless sea of green
begging you to swim…
i love you with a timeless fate
that links you back to me
a clock that stopped the day we met
and has since refused to beat…
There’s a weeping of my soul-
rain showers that can’t be stopped
and while my spirit mourns,
my heart lies slowly dying…
I sit beside myself, outside myself,
an onlooker of the carnage
callously executed by my mind…
And I wonder why I am so alone,
so far from where I long to go,
afraid to trust, lost to the cold…
memories echo
like the bitter wind
that blows through the empty halls
of my longing heart
looking through the shattered lens
of a broken and fallen heart
i see prisms of color
where the light enters in
and i wonder at the joy rainbows engender…
even when sadness seems to have no end
the SIBYL'S SONG 