a missing seam, pulled thread,
unraveling of my heart’s hem;
and emotions now! left to pour out
into the pockets of my soul,
weighing down all signs of hope…
would that I hide from these feelings
that rot my chest with remembering-
a slow drip of lost thoughts
falling from my unhinged heart
into steady and certain decay
There’s a weeping of my soul-
rain showers that can’t be stopped
and while my spirit mourns,
my heart lies slowly dying…
I sit beside myself, outside myself,
an onlooker of the carnage
callously executed by my mind…
And I wonder why I am so alone,
so far from where I long to go,
afraid to trust, lost to the cold…
memories echo
like the bitter wind
that blows through the empty halls
of my longing heart
looking through the shattered lens
of a broken and fallen heart
i see prisms of color
where the light enters in
and i wonder at the joy rainbows engender…
even when sadness seems to have no end
There are lights on the porch
across the street-
I can see them glowing outside my window,
softly,
reminding me of lightening bugs
I used to try to catch
as they flashed through
childhood summer evenings
Oh the cruelty of youth!
bottling up such wondrous bugs
so that they might lighten up
the darkened places within my soul-
Alas, nothing of that light remains
as I stare nostalgically
down and across the road
at electric lights that softly glow
this lack that i feel in my soul
cannot be filled by you
though I have tried to pour
the sweet words of others into it
to see if that might hold
rather, this void, was created
long ago- a mere reflection
of a longing never filled,
a wound never healed,
a seed never sown…
and the more i hide, the more i know
that i am the one holding
the mirror against myself
fueling the hole, reminding me
that I am just not enough…
This push and pull
That governs my life
Is but the outer shell
Of a darkness that’s yet
To be faced
Until this darkness is converted
Into something else
I will continue to pull you close
And then push you away
It’s an unease that I cannot
Fathom.
So here I am trying to peel back
The layers of myself
To get to the center of my
Ancient pain
So I can be free to love
With my heart untangled.
This window fan, in the darkness,
sings a sweet melody
of white noise to me tonight….
As cars fly by outside,
splashing the new fallen puddles of rain
collected from the storm that just passed,
I think of how cleansing the lightening was
to the heavy, dull air…
Wondering now, perhaps, when my own
storm might come to free me from the heaviness of my own heart.
i skinned my leg yesterday
in a passionate embrace
you were the rough sandpaper
i was the old paint
you rubbed against my uneven places
i silently gave you way
and now my thighs, red and raw,
are so fervently enflamed….
I once thought that your fire
would burn within me like blaze,
un-contained,
and I longed to be scorched by that energy;
and now that the flames of your fire,
are but smoke in my hand,
i understand you were simply, a ruse,
to which my own power was surrendering
You buried your face in my hair
and told me it smelled of leather;
your hands searched my fingers
and the lines of my waist
holding on as if this one time
was the last time
you would touch me…
and I decided to let you in
because the fire in your heart
burned an imprint of your energy
upon my soul
the SIBYL'S SONG 