sweet retreat

smoke, dancing in your hand,
pulls me back to a time
simple and free
-though seemingly not then…

now i long for those days; when
sun rose behind the trees at dawn
and set while the moon’s shine glowed
and all was constant with peace

my star, shining within darkened nights,
lights my way no more..
not because I don’t want it, but because
life’s dull blade cut it out

and i am dead….

lost to a world of pain, and shame
and guilt…fearful of what may be
and what is never to be
and what is longing anyway

but hunger in my soul….

bedfellows of grief
haunt my dreams and line my waking steps
with dis-ease
i call out for release; there is no relief

so i hunger here… alone… waiting for sweet retreat

from inside

i am giving up everything for a dream
of something more
and i don’t know if that which is more
is worth the price i will pay
to find it…

i am falling under the weight of my heart
and pain pulsates throughout my body
leaving me panicked and stricken
by doubt and fear
…I am beside myself

tears cloud my vision of the future
and pain of the past lingers
upon my shoulders like black smoke
I am utterly fallen into despair
and I have nothing left

desolate and alone
I long for more time to decide…and try
and the pain that pricks my heart
is like poison
devouring me from inside

judgement

~judgement~

when all is stripped away
there is nothing left but that
which lingers underneath

pain and fear once hidden
by uncertain smiles, and beguiling
thoughts of truth

are now laid bare for all to see;
the taste of metal haunting
the heart with bitterness and cold

as bottom falls through top,
the world turns upon its axle,
shifting all that is known into not

and i linger here too
awaiting truth to find my soul
and set it free from such dark misery

there is nothing left for me here
but to find the fate that draws me
near; and receive my judgement

tired

i’ve given up everything to find myself
and yet…
i still know not where i am….

I keep repeating the same mistakes
thinking i might be found within another…
within easy eyes… and lies

Yet, this longing that pulls me
from what is safe… from that which i know…
it launches me to new heights

so i let go….

over and over again
i leave what i understand
to find something that will help me grow

but i am tired now of waiting
and praying… and suffocating

on the edge of things

This fire fills my heart with rage;
Such uncomfortable energy!
It’s lighting all the shadow
sides within me.

I watch the blaze as it Engulfs me;
My heart, raw with pain and deceit,
Settles into the fire with pleasure.
While she waits for the whys… and why nots

This anger is but more fuel
To sustain me while I heal
From the scissor cuts across my heart
Made by one who got in.

I sit in wonder… the innocence that
Draws me to my own nature
Is also that which is taken
By those who need too much

And I long for connection with those
Who could understand me
So I keep opening up
Only to close again

Such is the cycle of life
And loving is too great now
For me.. so will linger about
On the edge of things

And wait

more to do yet

How was i so sure
about everything you said?
How did I allow myself
To go down that rabbit hole

Yet again?

The feeling of touching magic;
Of believing that it can find you
Keeps pulling me back
To this same spot

Yet with different players
And different outcomes
Because I’m older…
…and wiser
…and grounded

Still though I’m here…
Laying down my fortune For a chance to touch the stars

Even though I thought I found
My place in heaven;
I understand, that has yet to come,
For I have more work to do yet.

when you are close

~when you are close~
i touch your neck with my lips
and push my body into yours with force
my longing to be close is only matched
by the desire in my loins for you
and i try to fight the feeling
of attraction
but fall into you with utter abandon
each time you draw me close
your energy…touching mine with a mix
of soulful passion and fire
playfully you call to me
and i come to you
without question, you draw me in
and i comply with you-
for you feel so much like home
and i long to be home…
…my body just knows
…and my heart just knows
and i sit in quiet smile while you ravish
my soul